Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Marriage

During our premarital counseling which interestingly enough happened between ceremony number one and ceremony number two so we were married. Our Pastor asked us an important question...he looked at me and said "Megan if you could change one thing about J what would it be?" I thought and thought and finally answered "to be honest I love everything about him personality wise and physically...but I would love for him to quit smoking." He then turned to J and asked the same question about me. J didn't hesitate at all he said "there's nothing I'd change about her I love her just the way she is." Our Pastor informed us that J was right. We have to love each other as we are right now without expectation that we will change. And we have to accept the fact that what we have now is what we will have in the future. We can't go into marriage expecting to change the person.

J and I have tried to live this out in our marriage. (We are not perfect we have our moments) But I think this advice paired with the following decisions we made going in have made a world of difference. My brother asked for marital advice recently and this is what we said...

We made the decision early on to live by these (some are cliched)

  1. We will be equally yoked to each other with God. (both our ceremonies had a Pastor and we made a promise to each other and God)
  2. Always say "I love you" and give each other a kiss before leaving each other for the day, the week, the year, and before going to sleep at night. (somewhere this became three kisses and now it is tradition)
  3. Never go to bed angry. (so far this hasn't been an issue for us because we don't have big fights we have disagreements that are usually solved in 10-20 minutes)
  4. Both of us will give 100 % (this was another piece of advice from the Pastor, he said it won't work all the time but if both of us are trying it will be better)
  5. If you say something negative to the other person you have to say two things positive to build it back up. (we work like a gas tank in a car if you take away you have to refill)
  6. Realize that some days you will be in a bad mood or he will be in a bad mood and deal with it. (on rare occasion both of us are in a bad mood we deal with that too)
  7. In the middle of an argument over something stupid use the words lederhosen and/or Fahrvergn├╝gen, you can't keep a straight face when these are said. (this has ended some silly arguments in our house on more than one occasion.
  8. If I want J to do something I shouldn't hint, suggest, or assume...I need to direct. (J gave me this advice on our first or second date...if I want him to take the trash out say "honey please take the trash out" not "the trash can is full" or "the trash needs to go out" otherwise he will not realize it is being asked of him)
  9. If you ask your spouse to do something don't micromanage it. (give them the task and let it go it doesn't matter that they did it differently than you, J had a problem with the way I loaded the dishwasher, I had a problem with his laundry methods now we're just happy the other person did it)
  10. Love each other unconditionally. (this has been easy for us so far)
So what is your advice?

1 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

wow... thats some good stuff right there.. Heck, we hit 15 years in a few months & I still look for marriage advice... my dad told my husband the day of our wedding to just learn the line "You're right, I'm wrong, i'm sorry" - use it every time & things will be just fine! :)