Putting Out Fires

Sometimes in my life I feel like I spend so much time putting out fires for my friends and my family that I don't really have time to worry about myself. Now in some ways this is good because it keeps me distracted. But sometimes it is frustrating because I'm constantly taking care of someone else's issues. And I feel like some how mine get pushed to the back burner.

For example...Friday night I went out with my friends T and S for "girls night out." I thought to myself that it would be cool to see them and to chat. Basically it was a time for T to grumble about her boyfriend's ex-wife while S and I listened. Then to break it up a bit S asked me about J and talked some about her work. But very quickly it went back to T and the ex-wife. And I don't want to monopolize the conversation or anything but I almost feel like we need a chess timer so each person gets equal time.

I've noticed that people don't really ask how you're doing unless it seems like you're struggling. I don't wear the fact that J is deployed on my sleeve. He is deployed and I miss him ALOT but I go about my day to day stuff pretty well. (most days) I've even had people comment about the fact that I don't seem to struggle with deployment. Now of course they don't see me when I'm having a bad day.

Do you ever feel like you put out other people's fires?

Valentine's Day ~ Another Part of Our Story

Four years ago five days after our first date my husband and I celebrated our first Valentine's Day. It was actually pretty smooth on his part because it was on a Thursday and he invited me to come over on Wednesday night to spend the night so we woke up together on Valentine's Day. (ok don't judge my behavior we moved quickly) It was very sweet.

Now the Valentine's Day the next year was not so smooth...Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday that year. So on Friday night we agreed to have dinner with my parents and then we would do our thing on Saturday. We had reservations at a local restaurant at 7:00 PM. There was a Hail and Farewell for one of J's co-workers that day at 2:00 PM so we figured it wouldn't be a problem. At 5:00 PM there was no sign of J so I tried calling him. I got a text that he was going to be there for a few more minutes then he'd head home. Sounded good. Until 6:30 PM rolled around and still no J. I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail. I called my parents to cancel dinner and the restaurant to cancel our reservations. I figured he was caught in tunnel traffic but I didn't want to delay everything so I figured easier to reschedule. At about 7:30 PM I get a very apologetic call from him that he was just leaving the Hail & Farewell. He gets home and tells me that this guy who he thought hated him told him he had far more potential than he was ever given credit for and it was very emotional for J.

So we decide to go on about our evening and go to a friend's going away party (different person). We end up getting into a fight at the party and his friends try to calm me down. That didn't go well. So when we got home we hashed it out and in a discussion about how according to him I lived just fine without him and if he died going on deployment my life would be just fine. I explained to him that no things would not be the same and I would not be just fine if something happened to him. He also had this illusion that deployment wasn't as big a deal for the one left behind because we have our jobs, our homes, our lives, etc so things just go on. I then proceeded to explain that yes we did have our lives, our jobs, our homes, etc but we also lived with the fear of a black car pulling up in front of our house and a knock on the door. He had honestly never thought about it that way and it was quite an eye opening conversation for both of us. That night we go to bed feeling pretty good about us and our Valentine's Day weekend.

The next day (Valentine's Day) we wake up go about our morning routine with coffee, etc. We were meeting Mom and Dad for lunch and things were going good. Our first anniversary was earlier in the week and he had given me a card and flowers and I hadn't given him anything so I gave him a card and some cologne for Valentine's day. We decided that we didn't want to try to go to dinner so we would do dinner at home. But we wanted to come up with some Valentine's tradition. We did and we headed off to go shopping. On our way home we were going to stop at a friend's bar that was having a grand opening that weekend. While we're out shopping he gets a phone call from his sister. He ignores it because we're in the middle of our Valentine's Day celebration. She then calls me and I ignore it. She then calls me again. I decide to answer in case something weird has happened like she and her boyfriend broke up. She asks me if J is there I tell her of course. She asks me how we are. I tell her good. She asks me what we're doing. I tell her we're out for Valentine's Day. Then she whispers that her boyfriend asked her to marry him and she said yes. And admittedly we're both silent. Then we both say congratulations. She wants to talk wedding stuff, etc and we're thinking it's Valentine's Day you should get back to your fiance and we should get back to our Valentine's Day stuff. But we chit chat. As soon as we hung up the phone our night went down hill. J was ticked because his sister's boyfriend made a big deal about how he was going to talk to family before proposing and he didn't. And I was (embarrassingly now) upset because she got engaged first and I was going to have to hear about it for the next year. (selfish I know)

So we give up on our shopping and head to our friend's bar. We play pool and I drink one too many Captain and Sprites. I text my single girlfriends grumbling about her engagement. And J is just in a pissy mood because of his sister. We go home and go to bed. The next day we get up and he can tell I'm upset (through my hangover) so we talk and he explains its not a contest and the fact that she's engaged doesn't mean anything...blah blah blah. And I text my single friends apologies for being so insensitive. He had to go to Florida for work so we get him packed and I take him to the airport. After I get him off I meet a friend for dinner and a movie. I realize while watching He's Just Not That You that I am a very lucky woman. My boyfriend is a far better "husband" than some husbands and he excels at being a husband compared to my ex-husband. So I tell him this through a text because he can't talk. Here is the gist of my text...

"Honey I'm an ass. I've truly been a jerk about this whole thing
with your sister and her engagement. Who cares if we're engaged or if we ever get engaged.
We wake up every day and choose to be together. And I don't need a ring to be happy with you.

You are a better husband as a boyfriend than my ex was as a husband.
You love me for who I am, where I am and for that I love you! Happy Valentine's Day!"

It was that weekend that started me down the path of deciding I didn't want an engagement ring and that tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be. So alls well that ends well. 

What is a Valentine's Day you remember for better or for worse?

This Is Not Good aka Knee Issues

Source

So my knee is not quite there (the picture) but it has been having issues. I'm trying to get ready for the 8K in March so I'm not happy about this at all. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to discuss my options. Mainly it has just been tender nothing too serious but enough that I'm cautious with it.

My struggle with my knee (my right one) began in 5th grade. We were playing kickball with a really big rubber ball and I was running to first base when someone through it at me to get me out and somehow I tripped and ended up bending my knee the wrong direction. At the time the advice was elevate it, ice it and take some ibuprofen. So it was basically ignored. It never healed correctly and I've had issues with it since then. I was diagnosed with arthritis in it at the age of 15. I've injured it playing softball, running, and once when my 60lb pit bull ran into it with his head. At the time of my last injury they did an MRI and told me that my knee cap was in the wrong place so they put a J-Brace on it and sent me to physical therapy. It helped some and for a bit it's been doing good.

Until now...I will admit I'm frustrated with it because I want to exercise for health, weight loss and to prep for my 8K but it is too tender. And it is a double edged sword because I know that exercise will strengthen it and weigh loss will help it so I'm frustrated. I can't wait til Monday because at least maybe then I'll have an action plan.

Worst Nail Removal and Manicure Ever

Saturday I decided to pamper myself a little bit. I had had acrylic nails put on back in May for my pictures and kept them on while J was home because my nails looked better with them on. Well they weren't put on correctly in the beginning so they never quite looked right so I decided to have them removed on Saturday. I thought I would get a manicure after I had them removed as a pamper me moment.

J and I had gone to a place a couple weeks ago for pedicures and loved it. It was an amazing and relaxing experience. (We even bought a friend a gift card from there) So I thought I'd go back. Bad idea. Horrible idea. I assumed that nail removal would involve a bowl of acetone to soak them off. Nope...clippers, an unused nail, and her nails on occasion. Basically she peeled my nails off taking part of my natural nail with them. It hurt like hell. Thankfully there were only six.

Then she suggested their more advanced manicure with a scrub, hot tails, and a more extensive massage. Basically...she did a rush job there too. She didn't push my cuticles back at all...she just clipped a few places but not consistently, she through the scrub on and wrapped the towels for a few minutes, took those off, had me wash my hands, and then she rubbed lotion on my hands and armed, no massage just rubbed it in, then she wiped my nails with alcohol and layered thick layers of nail polish on my nails to hide the damage done by her removal method.

So I sat under the dryer and let them dry. Then came time to pay. And this is where it went from bad to worse. According to their price card removal of acrylic is $10 without a service and $5 with a service. So I assumed since they call manicures a service that it would be $5. They wanted to charge me $10. The lady who did my nails said since I didn't get a new full set it was $10. We had a major communication problem because she didn't speak English so another guy came up to help. I explained that I thought it was $5 based on the price list. They said no because I didn't get the new full set. We went back and forth and finally I said I would pay the $10 but I thought they should be more specific on their price list. The guy said "no, we'll only charge you the $5." The girl who did my nails was not happy. After she and the guy left I told the receptionist that I was very disappointed with my experience there that day. I told her my husband and I had been in there before and it was awesome but not today. I told her I felt rushed, I felt the removal of my nails was unprofessional and damaging, and that it was overall a horrible experience. She apologized and said she'd tell the management. I doubt I'll go back there again. I just couldn't get over it.

So now I'm back to growing out my very short and very thin natural nails. Wish me luck!

Bead Giveaway

I promise before I go to bed tonight the bead giveaway will be up. I'm having some issues with my camera....

Mish Mash

Sorry for the disappearance last week....it was Vacation Bible School at work, my co-worker who shares duties with me was on vacation, my bosses decided to do a mailing, and it was an amazing and exhausting week. I'm still recovering...

We had an amazingly relaxed and yet exhausting weekend all in one. Time at my work, time with friends, time with my Mom, and a nice grilled pork chop dinner to finish it off. We have been a tad bit neglectful in going to church. We want to go but on Sunday morning we seem to lack motivation to go. This concerns me and we are working on it. I'll let you know how it goes.

J is in school number 2 of 4. He grumbles about going but he actually enjoys it. I like that he is in school as long as he is in school they can't send him to Japan just yet. I realize when I married a military man I agreed to time apart as part of his duty. But that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. 


I'm trying to get my business going and it slow going since I work full time but it is going. I'll keep you updated.

J has a tad bit complicated family life at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my in-laws more than I can express. I know I'm lucky in that regard. (Especially when I hear horror stories.)

I cannot stand the current heat wave here in VA. This weekend every day was 101 + and it dropped down to a balmy 90 + at night. Today it is 93 (I think) and it feels good because it is cooler. I guess it is all perspective. We need rain at a new level of desperation...our grass is brown and our roses are fading.

I am loving menu planning. I have planned the week of Aug. 1st and Aug. 8th and J has approved of the menus. (He gets veto rights since he does the cooking) I planned on posting a weekly menu. Now I think I'll just post my menus in bulk.

Some things are worth letting go...

Growing up every Spring we had Spring cleaning that included sorting through clothes, toys, craft supplies, fabric, notions, etc. (my mother was an avid seamstress) and of course cleaning away the cobwebs and dust. My mother has increased the frequency of this since my brother and I have moved out. She is constantly sorting through things to see what can go. I know one day I will appreciate this...and I admit I too sort.

Every time I bring out my summer clothes or my winter clothes I sort through to see what I can give away or throw away. Every time I've moved I sort through papers, magazines, dishes, kitchen ware, clothes, shoes, purses, etc. and there is always a good sized pile of things that end up leaving. When I bought them "I couldn't live without them" but now I don't need them. And interestingly enough I've learned over time that letting go of something (or someone) makes room for something else (or someone else).

A few examples:

My divorce was final in June of 2004. Since that time I had dated, tried connecting with different guys but none worked out. In February of 2008 I spoke to a jeweler about either selling off my engagement ring and wedding band or making them into something else. That was on a Friday. The next day I met J and the rest is history. I believe it is because of letting go of the past that I was finally able to move on to the future.

I have often held onto clothes that were too small because I might fit back into them. I have found on many occasions that when I get rid of them that is when I start to lose weight. Ironic in a sense but I think it is the process of accepting yourself where you are and loving yourself the way you are that allows you to let go of the weight.

I do not equate people with things...people are not objects. That being said I think there are times when you have to let go of a person or a relationship to allow new people and relationships in. There have been a few too many relationships (and people) that I have clung to in hopes that it would get better or they would change. But sometimes although you were once good for each other you are no longer good for each other. And sometimes this can be a romantic relationship, a friendship, an acquaintance, and in some cases even a family member. The beauty is that sometimes when you let go...it works out that the relationship can be rebuilt.

One of my favorite quotes is "Let Go and Let God"... 
 
 Sometimes you just have to let go. Do you have anything or anyone that you have had to let go? 

Book Review: Body Clutter

I've decided to start reading more and I figure if I'm reading something good I'll share it with you guys. So today's book...

Body Clutter by Marla Cilley and Leanne Ely is a must read if you have weight issues or body issues. I have gone to the Fly Lady to learn how to get my house in order using "baby steps" and the wonderful ladies who brought us advice on keeping our house clean now focus on getting our ultimate home in order. Interestingly enough their theory is that they are related. The clutter in your home and the clutter on your body are related to many of the same issues.

Throughout the book they have Body Clutter journal suggestions. I haven't done all the journal stuff but the information in the book is brilliant. They use word associations like FLY (Finally Loving Yourself) and HALT (Don't allow yourself to get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired). They tell you that you have control not the potato chips, the cookies, or the cake. They tell you to avoid "Stinking Thinking" the negative thoughts that we can so often fall victim to.

Clingy? Who Me?

As I have mentioned before I have a degree in Communication. I had to take classes in healthy ways to express your feelings. I know what you should do and what you shouldn't do as far as communication. (In theory) But I admit every now and then (probably more often if I admit) I have a break down in my communication skills. Last night was one of those nights...

First the background...
Since I began dating J I have changed in my desires...I used to go out with friends all the time. I used to never be at home. I would eat out a lot. Now if I have the option to stay home with J (or do something with J) vs going out without him...I usually pick doing something that includes him. I understand time with girlfriends is important but I enjoy spending time with J.

And because he is on shore duty I have been spoiled. I have him home almost every night. With the exception of a business trip on his part.

Current day...
He is out of town this week...he left at the unmentionable hour of 5:00 AM Sunday morning and won't be back until Saturday night. And I got a bit misty at the airport after I dropped him off. This is unusual for me. And I think part of it is that work is kicking my butt lately so my weeks are long and tiring and I don't have the energy I need.

Sunday when he arrived in San Diego it was afternoon there and evening here. We texted for a bit then he went to lay down for a nap before dinner. We talked a little bit more later that evening. Monday after his work he went for a run...called me for 5 minutes...and then got ready to go to dinner. Yesterday he got back to his room and wanted to nap before dinner so I got about 5 minutes of texting. And that is when it hit the fan...I told him that I felt like I was getting squeezed in, in between them. And he didn't take it well. (Both of us were tired) We talked about it but the resolution didn't seem to be coming because both of us were arguing but not listening. He felt that 5 minutes was sufficient because of the time difference and I felt 15 minutes wasn't unreasonable. He finally determined that he wasn't really seeing it from my side of view and I acknowledged that I needed to have some flexibility. So we compromised...

It is amazing to me how two adults can communicate around each other. And I admit I didn't handle it well and there are a million ways I could have handled it better. But I'm a bottler and when the cap comes off...the cap comes off. And I think a few things were in play...

• We were tired
• I admit I'm a tad jealous of him being in sunny and beautiful San Diego while driving a Mustang convertible (I want one so bad it is sad)
• I think him being away is a vivid reminder of what's to come
• Work is killing me
• Hormones are at play
• Our dogs were going nuts

Do you ever have days where you snap? Over react? 







 

If you don't have something nice to say....

don't say anything at all.

I think every child has heard this from their mothers at one time or another. I know I heard it from my Mom, my Granny, my teachers, etc.

This past Saturday my hubby and our friends S, J, T, A, and M all went to a local dance club (country bar, hey we're in the south this is what we have to work with) well it is a meat meet market for local singles. We only went because we didn't want our friend S to get stuck. Well S, J, and I are all fairly good sized girls...size 18 and above but we are ok with it because we are working on it. Apparently the young guys in the place feel it is ok to give commentary about whatever they want.

We were trying to move through the crowd when a young guy made the comment "make room for the big girls" that only my hubby heard. He said he almost decked the guy. I told him the guy wouldn't have been worth decking. I just would have looked at him and said "yeah we have to get the small di*&ed guys out of the way." I know two wrongs don't make a right but really what gives him the right to make comments like that.

Then later a group of guys made a comment about my friend S that they were surprised she could move so well for her size. I'm sorry when did it become acceptable to make commentary like that. How totally narrow minded really.

We have decide to bypass that place from now on. We are past the single drama and frankly that isn't a good place to meet "the rest of your life" man...it is more the place to meet "the rest of tonight man." Now that isn't to say that there aren't nice guys there. There are but obviously some idiots too.

Grinch vs. Who

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is one of my favorite Christmas movies because I think it really does show the real meaning of Christmas. And I think the Grinch gets a bad wrap really. Yes he does try to ruin Christmas but then he saves the day and realizes what Christmas is all about. And ultimately Christmas is about forgiveness so I think we can all learn a lesson or two from this seemingly simple Christmas story.

How many of us at one time or another have had a Grinchy attitude toward something. That we must figure out a way to stop it or ruin it. Or just didn't want to participate.

I admit since I started working in a church I have a little less of the Who spirit and more of the Grinch until Christmas Eve...then I'm totally Who. We constantly have services, events, etc that seem to cause a crazy amount of stress for all involved but always look great at the end. And it amazes me how in a time of year when we are focusing on God's greatest gift to us we forget and focus on petty issues that really don't mean anything.

The true meaning of Christmas is celebrating God's love of us and the gift of his Son. And I admit it is easy to forget these things in the midst of preparing for Christmas with shopping, events, gatherings, etc. I myself often forget the true reason for the season. Although I often think it is to eat cookies, baked goods, heavy meals until I can't move it is really all about Him.

I'll finish with my favorite Grinch quote..."He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more!"

Love is...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

The part of this verse that has been striking a cord with me a lot lately is "it keeps no record of wrongs." I am a firm believer in the philosophy of forgive...but hold onto it forever. I am working on this. I know it is not healthy. I know that you haven't really forgiven if you keep the record of wrongs. When J and I went through our "pre-marital" counseling recently our wonderful Pastor had us read this passage and focused in particular on the part about letting go and not keeping a record of wrongs. But he told us that God played a horrible trick on us women because he gave us an amazing memory. So we have the ability to remember the wrongs but the grace to let them go.

I think God forgot to give me the grace to let them go. Currently we are dealing with an issue with an acquaintance who shall be referred to as S from here on out. S has a tendency to call when something is needed. And has on more than one occasion made the situation seem like S wants to come spend time with us...but while I'm there can you do? or can I use? or can I...? or can you...? It is tough because I'm not sure S is aware of this behavior but it is causing a wedge. J and I think we should talk to S about this but we're not sure it would do any good. But in communication it is always important to communicate your feelings even if the other side doesn't hear them at least you have done what you could. But S has a tendency to take things a bit personally so we don't want to make it feel like an attack. And we are trying to let go of the past things but at the same time we don't want to be doormats either.

So we're praying about this situation and how to deal with it. And in the meantime we are trying to forget...as well as forgive....

Knees and Dogs Don't Mix

aka what I did this weekend...

Friday night at 11:30 PM I picked J up from the airport. He looked rough because he and the boys had been out until 3 AM the night before...got up at 6 AM to start work and didn't get home until 11:30 PM. I felt a little bad for him but it was his own fault. So I wasn't sure what we'd be doing Saturday.

Saturday morning I had a funeral for a friend's Dad at 11 AM and I wanted to go get weighed before that. So I went about my morning while J stayed home with the puppies. I had two friends having picnic/gatherings that day one at 3 PM an hour away the other at 4PM 20 minutes away. We decided since I'd missed the one at 3 the past two years and J had not met all of those people we'd take the dogs and go. We get there all is going well. We decide to take them off the leash since my friend has a big yard. They love it. I love my dogs and they are extremely fun loving energetic animals. My youngest (5 1/2 month old 40 lb) pit bull was running with Eva our oldest when he ran full speed into the back/side of my knee. My knee bent the wrong direction...popped...I fell...threw my drink on J and poor Ares kinda sat down with a "rah roh" look on his face. I got up with J's help and was propped up in a chair with ice for the rest of the day. Fortunately my friend is a nurse and she had Advil and an Ace bandage in her car. I hurt a lot. We ended up still going to my other friend's thing for a bit then I went home and iced it some more.

Sunday I went about my day...went to church...went to see Harry Potter (more on that in a later post) and went to bed.

Monday I woke up still in a fair amount of pain...and my knee buckled twice while I was walking on flat ground. So I called my doctor. Went to see her Tuesday she sent me to an orthopedic surgeon. He had the bedside manner of a porcupine. And it turns out all Ares did was twist my knee no big deal. Ice it. Keep off it. Advil, etc. but in the process of checking out the current injury we found out about an unhealed old injury. My knee cap instead of being in the center is way off to the right. He discussed physical therapy or surgery. The surgery would involve cutting ligaments to get it to move back or cutting the bone in my lower leg. Neither sounds fun or good. So I go for an MRI Saturday and we'll go from there. YAY!!

Weight Watcher Weigh-In Week 11

I set goals last week. I was going to do better with my eating and start getting exercise in more often. I didn't do either very well. I had some really good days followed by some really bad days. I drank more water but I also drank a fair amount of regular Coke. I ate more fruits and vegetables but I also ate brownies, cream cheese filled pretzels, York peppermint patties, ice cream, Arby's potato cakes, raisinettes, Taco Bell Nacho's, etc. (sometimes all in the same day). I will say I enjoyed all of them. I did not enjoy what they did to me on the scale. So in honor of the 4th of July which was a new start for our country...I am starting again. This is the point where I would usually give up on Weight Watchers and go back to eating what I want...not this time. I will get over this hurtle. (Maybe not today I've had an OK day eating but not great.) I want to lose weight...I want to be healthier...I want to have more energy...I want to look at myself in the mirror and go "Dang girl, you look good" I know I can get there it will take time and effort.

Weigh-In
Weigh-in: +2.4
Total: -4.8

Meeting Topic: ????
To be honest I'm not sure what the topic was at the meeting. I got there a little bit late and the leader was talking about her health again. J and I had some things to get done that day so I decided to head home instead of listening to the health update. I think I will be looking for a new meeting. So today you get to hear a topic that I think is appropriate.

Megan's Meeting Topic: Just Say No
I am horrible at saying "no" to food, people, my dogs, my family, my friends, etc. If someone says "Meg can you...?" I usually say yes. If someone offers me food that I like I usually accept. And sometimes have additional helpings. One of my biggest downfalls is food in our workroom. If there is cake, cookies, bread, etc. I will have some...usually multiple times. I need to learn to walk away. My friend says weight loss is as simple as will power. If you know you shouldn't eat it don't eat it. (she said this as she was eating a bacon cheeseburger) And I argue if it were really that simple we would not have a nation with a weight problem. I know what I should not eat. I know what happens when I eat it. Yet I still eat these things. I think that it is also deciding which is worth more...the calories from the food and enjoying it momentarily or walking away and losing the weight I want to lose. I also think it is about planning, time, desire, energy, self-worth, and many other things. We often try and oversimplify things...eat less...exercise more...lose weight. If you have will power you'll lose weight. Yes both of these things are true but this isn't all there is to it.

As a nation we are horrible about taking care of ourselves. We often wait until it is too late or we are in crisis to do something. I know for myself I take on way too much for other people from actual physical tasks to worry. It is not my worry to take on but I do. So I've decided I need to start saying "no." I will be respectful...it will be a polite no...not a "heck no are you crazy" but it will be a "no." Recently some friends of mine and I were out to dinner...one of them ordered a high fat appetizer. She didn't eat it all because she was depending on the table to help her...we didn't because we had our own food. She then said she was going to box it up and send it home with me. I politely said no because J and I are both on Weight Watchers and didn't want that type of food in our house. She seemed a little thrown but as someone who had lost a lot of weight she took it for what it was me trying to be healthy not something personal. I all too often worry about offending people when I say no. I don't worry about how it affects me. I am going to start thinking about myself in the process. This week we have a cake in the workroom. I may ask my co-workers if we can put it across the hall where it isn't in front of me all the time. I'm not sure how this would work for them but I figure it can't hurt to ask. The other advantage to saying no...I can get back to some of the things I used to do with my time saved. I miss some of the things I used to do when I had the time. I miss my beading. I enjoy my beading. And if I said no to a few things I could get back to it. So "just say no" it is ok to take care of yourself first.

I've learned that...

Sometimes I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why. And sometimes in a ironic joke that bad mood coincides with my "monthly visitor". I have to tell you that the consequences of this crossing are bad... "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!" (Ghostbusters quote) bad. And the worst part of it is that J often gets the brunt of it because he's the one I go home to. It isn't fair to him I know this so I try to keep it under control. But last night I couldn't control it...and he dealt with me as he usually does. He balances me the way I balance him.

And it is interesting because although we have days where he is a jerkish or I'm a bit of a witch we get through them because we respect each other, love each other, and talk. Sometimes in the moment we seem lost but we always get to the other side. Both of us have been through divorce...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy it sucks, but it was also one of my best learning experiences about myself, other people, and the world. I try to take the wisdom that I gained from that experience and pass it on to others. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they decide to go the trial and error route, and sometimes they tell me to shut-up. (Mostly they say thank you.) And so for today I want to share some things I've learned that...

• If you have something to say...say it to the person not about them. No problem is solved by triangulating someone else into the equation. Deal with the person. It will help you and them. (Exception: I believe professional counseling can help in a lot of cases...and recommend it to people often...a neutral third party is a blessing.)
• It is not always just the other person's fault. All too often in life we try and put the blame on someone else...our parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. The reality is a relationship has two people...which means two people bring gifts and two people bring challenges. If you think it is all the other person's fault take a good look at yourself and see what have you brought to the situation...is it all good? (Exception: In the case of abusive situations it is not the victims fault...it is all the fault of the the abuser. Get out of that situation.)
• You cannot truly love someone if you don't truly respect them. And vise versa...if someone does not truly respect you they can't truly love you. Don't put up with people who don't treat you with respect. Address the situation (calmly) and if it does not change reaccess the situation and see if it is worth staying. Sometimes people cannot respect you because they do not respect themselves. And realize you may still love them and that may not change. That is OK.
  
• Change is good...but be aware not everyone will like it. Change is inevitable. And it can be exciting, frightening, challengeing, growth inspiring, and benefitial. But sometimes personal change will occur in spite of what is going on with the other person. Respect where they are...they are not where you are but that is OK.
  
• You have to have faith. Some would say have faith in something...I say have faith in God. God is an amazing God. No matter what happens God is there and will never leave you. God wants to have a relationship with you. How you have this relationship is personal but for me it comes from my art, my work, and prayer. For you it may be totally different...that is OK.
• Patience is a virtue. God does not work in our time. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it the world would be in chaos. And if you want to make God laugh...tell God your plans. The cliche is true...good things come to those who wait. "If you rush a miracle, you'll get a bad miracle." Mad Max, Princess Bride
• There are good people out there. Unfortunately the reverse is true. But have faith that the good will prevail. And don't give up hope. Even if you have encountered bad people in your life don't become cynical...continue to love and trust just be a bit more picky about who you trust. Assume the best not the worst.
• COMMUNICATE...COMMUNICATE...COMMUNICATE I have a degree in Communication so I admit that I feel very strongly about the importance of communication. But I cannot emphasize this enough...so many problems can and would be resolved if people communicated. Don't assume that you know what someone meant...talk to them and confirm it. Don't assume they know what you meant either. You know what happens when you make assumptions.
  
• Forgiveness is the best gift you can give. There are people in your life who will hurt you intentially and unintentially. You at some point need to forgive them even if they don't ask for it. Yes this is hard. No I won't pretend that I'm good at it. But when I have truly forgiven people I feel better. And I remind myself that Jesus was betrayed by the very people he came to save and his final words were to ask God to forgive them.
  
• Laughter is wonderful. A serious life is a wasted life. "Those who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused." (not sure who said that) I believe that laughter can heal and that laughter gets us through a lot of crap. J makes me laugh often sometimes at him and sometimes with him. It is one of the many many things I love about him.
• You need to take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, relax, pamper yourself, read, do what makes you happy at least once a day. You are of no use to others if you don't take care of yourself.
  
• Last but not least love.
  

Temptation

So my post today is about temptation. And usually I discuss food temptation but today I'm also going to discuss other temptations.

Temptation # 1 ~ Food
I am learning a lot about myself and my relationship to food as I go through Weight Watchers. I am very much an "if its there I'll eat it" kind of person. I have a very hard time resisting sweets in particular. Today I thought I was doing better. I went to Starbucks to get myself a non-fat latte (one of my favorite ways to get my milk) and I decided in a moment of weakness to order a toffee bar. Well I get back to work and before eating it I decide to check the points value. And it came out to be a whopping 9 on the points value. I decided I still wanted some but would only eat half....yeah that didn't work out so well. I ended up eating the whole thing. Fortunately I have a healthy dinner planned so I'll be OK point wise but I get frustrated when I do stuff like that. But I remind myself no one is perfect and learn from this and go on.

Temptation # 2 ~ Judging People
Matthew 7:1-2
¹ "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ³ "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person's eye.

I like many people have a horrible habit of judging people for things I would never do while ignoring the multitude of things I would do. I do this with J and his smoking although I had an epiphany about that and have been much less judgmental about his smoking. Although I will admit I think $5 a pack is insanity...until I think how much I pay for Starbucks, etc.

Lately I have had some issues with friends feeling the need to judge other people's behavior. You know as my co-worker says...before you judge walk a mile in their moccasins. And if you don't want to be judged don't judge others. I have a good friend who has gone through a pretty major transformation physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm very proud of her and how far she's come. And she gets frustrated with people who judge her for how she's living her life and then turns around and judges others. I'm working on a nice way to say...hey now Ms. Pot...speaking as a Kettle I know it is hard to stop and easy to do. But you have to be careful judging others because you too may get judged.

Temptation #3 ~ Spending Money
I am horrible at holding on to money. I love to give it to people. Spend it on things. Waste it. I've made some very unwise decisions money wise over the years and I'm working to fix that. But it is tempting to burn through my money. I don't know where I get it from either. My parents are very good at handling money. And so is my brother.

Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. ~ The Lord's Prayer

Weight Watchers Weigh-In Week 6 - Topic "Tap Your Resources"

So I did much better this week with food. I ate my fruits and vegges and didn't have four cheat days (only one). But there was cake in the building and I have NO willpower when it comes to cake. Store bought chocolate cake with sugar icing cannot be beat. And that is a case of yes it does in fact taste better than thin feels (in my mind). But none the less I did stay on plan and follow the guidelines. And I don't eat perfectly but that is a reality that will occur for the rest of my life. What I like about Weight Watchers is perfection is not a requirement. So my weigh-in went much better.

Weigh-In: -0.8
Total: -6.8

I admit I got to the meeting late because I tried to fit too many things into my morning before I left for the meeting so I missed some of it. But the topic was

"Tap Your Resources"

• Take Care of Yourself
  My leader discussed how we need to take care of ourselves because we cannot expect others to do it for us.
  
  
  
  My thoughts...I think part of what gets many of us to the point of being overweight is that not only do we not take care of ourselves by eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc. we don't think we deserve to be taken care of. We need to love ourselves first before we can love others. And yet many of us take care of others before ourselves and would be appalled if anyone treated our friends the way we treat ourselves. It is a hard journey sometimes but we deserve to be happy and healthy. So take some time and take care of yourself.
  
  
• Ask for Help
  My leader reminded us that we do not have to do it alone. There are many people and resources available if we just ask.
  
  My thoughts...I stink at asking for help. I can do it myself and really why would anyone want to help me. Or at least that is how I used to think...now I realize I need to ask for help. I cannot do it myself. And people who care about me want to help. And really it does make it much easier to have help. In the past when I have tried to lose weight I have not had significant others who were on board with it. It can be done without a supportive loved one but it makes it easier. And in my case this time I'm blessed. J is doing Weight Watchers with me. Although I'm the only one going to meetings he is benefiting from the meals, helps check points in a grocery store, and is aware of eating points and activity points daily. And even when I gained he just said we'll do better next week. He is great. And if your significant other can't be there for you...what about a sibling or a parent or a dear friend. Everyone needs a cheerleader now and again.
  
  
• Prepare Yourself
  My leader reminded us to know our points before we eat something. If you know you are going to a meal that will be heavier in points eat accordingly the rest of the day to have some in reserve. Look for similar foods that have lower points values. And focus on other things other than food for the event.
  
  My thoughts...don't psych yourself out. I have a tendency to do this. I think about a situation with my friends for example and think to myself I'm going to eat a lot of unhealthy food because that is what we do. Well it doesn't have to be...we can eat healthy, we can involve non food related activities, we can focus on conversation, etc. There are many options. And I admit it is very important to me this time around to know what I've eaten points wise instead of just guessing. Because you can guess way off. And I have on occasion been shocked. So plan ahead with food...know the points value...remind yourself that you can eat healthy even if your friends/family are not...if it is at someone's house bring a dish...most of the time my friends don't even know it is healthy until I tell them. And then they want the recipe.
  
  
• Allow for Forgiveness...(this is mine) you are not going to be perfect all the time so forgive yourself and move on. As J would say..."no one's losing a life over this it's not a crisis" and although it may feel like it you can get past it and learn from it. I'm just saying...

And the final quote from the meeting...
" You cannot afford to wait for perfect conditions. Goal setting is often a matter of balancing timing against available resources. Opportunities are easily lost waiting for perfect conditions." ~ Gary Ryan Blair (www.thinkexist.com)

Addictions

Hi, my name is Megan...and I am a sweets addict. It has been less than an hour since my last sweet. I have been a sweets addict since I was a child. Sweets were bribes, rewards, pick-me-ups, just because, celebrations, and sometimes even secrets. My family is a group of eaters. We love food, we love to eat, and we have an addiction to sweets. So we always have sweets: candy bowls on the counter, desserts galore at every holiday, and we would often have a carton of ice cream in the freezer...sometimes two. I tell you this in a bit of tongue and cheek...but in all seriousness I know that I have an issue with sweets. If they are available I think about them. I want them. I can almost taste them. And I don't want people to judge me for this so I will sometimes sneak them. We currently have a cake in our workroom. I tried to fight the good fight against it but I lost. I just can't say no to it.

So I am trying to work through this by coming up with alternate ideas instead of eating cake. So here are some of my thoughts...
~ throw it out...but I doubt my co-workers would be on board
~ ignore it...but it is very persuasive
~ move it to another room so I don't see it...I would still know it was there
~ eat something else so I don't want it...this is where the adage "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" should come in but somehow the instant gratification still wins out for me
~ wait 15 minutes and see if I still want it...this is the option that I'm leaning towards

Get behind me Satan...

There is a cake, strawberries with whipped cream/chocolate, apples with caramel, etc down in our workroom. I know they are there....they are calling my name. I am ignoring them. I just ate lunch I'm not even hungry. This too will pass.

10 Things I Wish I Could Say

I'm borrowing this idea from SoMi Speaks I personally think it is brilliant. You write 10 things you wish you could say but don't feel comfortable saying or possibly would fall on deaf ears. So here are mine...

1) Stop behaving like you are still in high school, we are adults so confront the situation as an adult instead of asking so and so what they think it meant.

2) If you love someone tell them often...life is short and those that you love need to hear it.

3) I really want it to work this time but I know I'll need help.

4) I feel like a monkey could do my job. So I don't need to be micromanaged.

5) I love you and want you to be happy, but I think your husband is not the man you think he is, nor will he be.

6) Focus on the log in your eye, before dealing with the splinter in mine.

7) I love children a lot. But I do not want children. This does not make me a horrible person.

8) Pets and children should be disciplined. It makes you a responsible parent.

9) Just because you smoke, doesn't mean I do so please respect my air space and I'll respect yours.

10) It is not all about you, but it is OK to think so...we all have days like that.