Thursday, June 25, 2009

I've learned that...

Sometimes I'm in a bad mood and I don't know why. And sometimes in a ironic joke that bad mood coincides with my "monthly visitor". I have to tell you that the consequences of this crossing are bad... "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!" (Ghostbusters quote) bad. And the worst part of it is that J often gets the brunt of it because he's the one I go home to. It isn't fair to him I know this so I try to keep it under control. But last night I couldn't control it...and he dealt with me as he usually does. He balances me the way I balance him.

And it is interesting because although we have days where he is a jerkish or I'm a bit of a witch we get through them because we respect each other, love each other, and talk. Sometimes in the moment we seem lost but we always get to the other side. Both of us have been through divorce...I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy it sucks, but it was also one of my best learning experiences about myself, other people, and the world. I try to take the wisdom that I gained from that experience and pass it on to others. Sometimes they listen, sometimes they decide to go the trial and error route, and sometimes they tell me to shut-up. (Mostly they say thank you.) And so for today I want to share some things I've learned that...

  • If you have something to say...say it to the person not about them. No problem is solved by triangulating someone else into the equation. Deal with the person. It will help you and them. (Exception: I believe professional counseling can help in a lot of cases...and recommend it to people often...a neutral third party is a blessing.)
  • It is not always just the other person's fault. All too often in life we try and put the blame on someone else...our parents, siblings, friends, significant others, etc. The reality is a relationship has two people...which means two people bring gifts and two people bring challenges. If you think it is all the other person's fault take a good look at yourself and see what have you brought to the situation...is it all good? (Exception: In the case of abusive situations it is not the victims fault...it is all the fault of the the abuser. Get out of that situation.)
  • You cannot truly love someone if you don't truly respect them. And vise versa...if someone does not truly respect you they can't truly love you. Don't put up with people who don't treat you with respect. Address the situation (calmly) and if it does not change reaccess the situation and see if it is worth staying. Sometimes people cannot respect you because they do not respect themselves. And realize you may still love them and that may not change. That is OK.
  • Change is good...but be aware not everyone will like it. Change is inevitable. And it can be exciting, frightening, challengeing, growth inspiring, and benefitial. But sometimes personal change will occur in spite of what is going on with the other person. Respect where they are...they are not where you are but that is OK.
  • You have to have faith. Some would say have faith in something...I say have faith in God. God is an amazing God. No matter what happens God is there and will never leave you. God wants to have a relationship with you. How you have this relationship is personal but for me it comes from my art, my work, and prayer. For you it may be totally different...that is OK.
  • Patience is a virtue. God does not work in our time. If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it the world would be in chaos. And if you want to make God laugh...tell God your plans. The cliche is true...good things come to those who wait. "If you rush a miracle, you'll get a bad miracle." Mad Max, Princess Bride
  • There are good people out there. Unfortunately the reverse is true. But have faith that the good will prevail. And don't give up hope. Even if you have encountered bad people in your life don't become cynical...continue to love and trust just be a bit more picky about who you trust. Assume the best not the worst.
  • COMMUNICATE...COMMUNICATE...COMMUNICATE I have a degree in Communication so I admit that I feel very strongly about the importance of communication. But I cannot emphasize this enough...so many problems can and would be resolved if people communicated. Don't assume that you know what someone meant...talk to them and confirm it. Don't assume they know what you meant either. You know what happens when you make assumptions.
  • Forgiveness is the best gift you can give. There are people in your life who will hurt you intentially and unintentially. You at some point need to forgive them even if they don't ask for it. Yes this is hard. No I won't pretend that I'm good at it. But when I have truly forgiven people I feel better. And I remind myself that Jesus was betrayed by the very people he came to save and his final words were to ask God to forgive them.
  • Laughter is wonderful. A serious life is a wasted life. "Those who can laugh at themselves will never cease to be amused." (not sure who said that) I believe that laughter can heal and that laughter gets us through a lot of crap. J makes me laugh often sometimes at him and sometimes with him. It is one of the many many things I love about him.
  • You need to take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, relax, pamper yourself, read, do what makes you happy at least once a day. You are of no use to others if you don't take care of yourself.
  • Last but not least love.

2 comments:

Annalisa201 said...

Amazing post! Really amazing. I've been in a bad mood for just about a month now (2 weeks bad, 1 good, 2 bad) and I certainly can understand, and really appreciate the bullet points. And aren't we lucky to have husbands who understand us! Praise the Lord!

TesoriTrovati said...

This is a really wonderful post. I agree with everything you said so eloquently. I am reminded of an exercise that I used to do with my 7th grade students (in another life) called Live & Learn & Pass It On. Very insightful stuff. And since I was just teaching my BNI group about communication I feel compelled to share the words of wisdom that I shared with them: "The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place." ~ George Bernard Shaw.
Enjoy the day! And thanks for stopping by Treasures Found!
Erin