Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life is Short

J is adopted and his adoptive parents are his Mom and Dad. They raised him they were there for all his ups and downs. They are his guides in life. He has five adoptive siblings. They are his brothers and sisters. But when J was 21 he was approached by Social Services because his biological parents wanted to meet him. He debated because he really had no desire to have a relationship with his biological parents because they aren't his parents. But he learned he had two biological sisters, A and M. He wanted to know them.

He met his biological parents but the relationship was never really there because he had a Mom and a Dad and they weren't it. They got divorced when he was 23 and he lost connection with his biological father. He tried to maintain a relationship with his biological mother over the years but she wanted more than he could give her. So now he just has a relationship with his biological sisters, A and M. His biological father had a number of issues and had had a rough life which he sometimes took out on others. But A and M, more so A tried to maintain a relationship with him. It was hard but he was their father. Their mother got remarried to a wonderful man who was more of a father than a step-father. But their father was always there in the background. And although they didn't have the best relationship they always felt there was time for it to heal.

Labor Day weekend their father took his own life after a struggle with depression. It shocked everyone because he had always been larger than life and forever happy. For J he wasn't really effected other than the fact that he wanted to be there for A & M. So he and I did what we could to offer support. A has been very hard hit by this because she feels a great loss of what will never be. She can never repair that relationship.

This whole experience got me thinking...I didn't know this man...I'd never met...never even talked to him on the phone. And yet his death caused a void. I am very close with A & M. I love them like sisters. It has been hard to watch their grief, particularly A's. She and I have had many phone conversations about this. (She's in MI.) I feel for her because death is never easy to deal with but when it is so sudden it is harder still. I have long known that life is short...but this whole experience has reminded me of these truths...

  • Life is short
  • Do not let your last words to someone be in anger...they may really be your last words
  • If you have something you want to do or say before you die...why are you waiting?
  • Tell those you love that you love them regularly
  • Don't sweat the small stuff
  • Realize in the grand scheme...it is all small stuff
  • Don't leave something unfinished
  • Respect people even if you don't agree with them
  • Talk to someone...people care more than you realize
  • Laugh often...it is good for your abs and it helps your mental state
  • Let other live they way they want to live
  • Breathe...and count to 10 then speak