Monday, February 7, 2011

I Will Thrive - Deployment Observations from both sides

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. ~ Roger de Rabutin
Absence makes the heart grow fonder but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.~ Charlie Brown

Wife on a Roller Coaster wrote a great article about deployments and how sometimes you have to let your heart grow a little fungus to survive it. You can read the article here.

And her article got me thinking about how the military person and the spouse have two different roles in deployment. So I talked to J about it. He agreed. Here are some of the conclusions we've come too.
  • Although it is difficult for both sides they each have their coping methods and their own set of hardships that the other may never understand. 
  • My husband determined in some ways it is easier for the person being deployed because they are on a ship or in a desert with people going through the same thing. And they have many tasks and new things to keep them busy where the spouse is going through the same routine every day (so to speak) just without their spouse.
  • Communication in whatever form you can get it helps so much and we are blessed to live in a technology world.
  • If something is going to go wrong with the house, the car, or the pets, etc it will happen right after they deploy.
  • Finances become fun when you are both pulling from the same account and you are 12 hours different time wise.
  • Pictures help a lot.
  • You will both worry about the other but for different reasons. 
  • Neither one of you can solve the other's problems. Especially from 9000 miles away even though you would desperately love to do so. So just let them vent.
  • As the spouse you don't need to tell them every detail of a situation especially since they can't help you from across the world. Filtering is good. It breaks their heart that they can't fix it.
  • As the spouse there are somethings you cannot know about what the military person or their ship (or unit) may be doing. Accept this and your life will be easier. On that same may not hear from them for a day or two do not assume the worst. 
  • If your military person is on a ship get in contact with the Umbudsman. She/He can and should be a great resource for you.
  • Have faith in God and your relationship! That is the best thing you can do for yourselves. Pray often!!


Elisabeth said...

So, so trues, and what a great list to live by!