I Will Thrive: Asking for Help

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Most Sundays the sermons are good this past Sunday it was a 2x4. It came from 2 Kings 4:1-7 which is the story of the widow who is in danger of losing her sons to pay her husband's debts. She took her concerns to Elisha who's response was "What shall I do for you?." He then told her to go to all of her neighbors and collect pots to put the oil in her house in. She had more than enough oil to fill the pots and when she sold the pots of oil she had more than enough money to save her sons and take care of them. The pastor confessed initially when he heard this story as a child he thought it was about a money or an oil shortage but in reality it was a story about a faith shortage. She had gotten in a rut which became a crisis. And she had not gone to her community until it was almost too late.

He went on to say that in our society today we so often do the same thing she did because we are uncomfortable asking for help. According to him asking for help is not a walk of shame but a walk of faith, with Christ we have community and we should embrace it and allow it to embrace us. He then asked us...are we ready to help our neighbors? Are we ready to ask for help?

This got me thinking about my experiences with this deployment. I read many military blogs and many tell the tales of their spouse being deployed. On many of the pages I read stories about how they rock at deployment, that deployment isn't so bad, etc sort of a I'm a military wife hear me roar kind of thing. And I admit when I first started this deployment back in September of 2010 I took sort of the same attitude. I thought I've lived on my own I can handle this I'll be great. Yeah well somewhere along the way I got slapped with reality. Yes I have lived on my own. Yes I have survived just fine without my husband before he came into my life. Yes I can do this. But I became accustomed to having my husband around the house for company, to help me with things, to do things I don't like doing, to help clean house, help take care of the dogs, for moral support, and yes for physical affection. I am not good at asking for help. 

If I'm having a rough day because I miss him I usually keep it to myself. My yard is mowed by my wonderful neighbor but I need some other yard stuff done like weeding and hedge trimming and I don't ask for help even-though there are people who would be happy to do so. Last Sunday I sat in my driveway on the verge of tears because I missed him so much and I contemplated going to my neighbors house or one of my other friends' houses but I didn't. The reality is if I had gone they would have welcomed me and supported me with open arms, a shoulder, and an ear. But they can't help if I don't ask. I'm getting better. I told my neighbor about it after the fact and she about smacked me for not coming over.

I guess what I'm saying is we are not an island and we don't have to do this alone. We are part of a community whether it is a church community, a military community, or a physical community we belong and we should call upon them. We would want them to call upon us so we need to lead by example and have faith. So ask for help! And be there when your friends and neighbors ask for help.

Food Glorious Food

1.) If you had one day to eat anything you want and not gain a single ounce what would it be?
(inspired by The Coffee Pot Chronicles)


I started Weight Watchers two weeks ago so this is kind of a funny question for me to answer but I love and appreciate food. So here is what I would eat in a day if I could eat anything I wanted and not gain an ounce...

• Breakfast would start at one of my favorite places the Broken Egg Bistro... I would start with OJ and coffee. In my coffee I would have real sugar and real cream...it would be a perfect start to my breakfast...I would then have their big thick cinnamon French toast with butter and warm maple syrup. For my sides I would have their grits with butter and sugar, their thick sausage links, and scrambled eggs. Heaven on earth.

• This would be followed by a nap because I would be in a carb loaded coma.

• Lunch would consist of a trip to Simon and Seafort's in Anchorage, Alaska. As a child I loved going here! It was a bit of a drive from Eagle River but it was well worth it. I would order their Prime Rib French Dip, a slow roasted, thinly sliced prime rib on a grilled garlic French roll, served with housemade au jus with delicious crispy fries and a Coke. Followed by the most amazing hot, crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside housemade chocolate chip cookie of orgasmic proportions (I didn't realize this as a child but seriously you need a cigarette after and you may even walk away with JBF hair).

• NAP (cause sleep after is always good)

• Dinner would be a trip to the Lucern Inn in Maine. I would have their scallops,  Local sea scallops broiled with a lite rosemary butter, served with rice and seasonal vegetables. Their scallops are cooked perfectly so they melt in your mouth like butter. I would have a wonderful Pinot Grigio chilled to perfection to compliment the scallops. Following dinner I would have a piece of their chocolate French Silk Pie which is a delightful, decadent pie that is firm as the fork goes through but melts into a puddle of chocolate goodness the moment it hits your tongue. Your tongue gasps in delight at the coolness and the decadence. (Again a cigarette may be needed and you will definitely have JBF hair). 

• SLEEP where I would have dreams of wonderfulness dancing in my head.

That would be my day of food if I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain an ounce. What would you eat? 

This prompt came from Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop...head on over and read some of the others and/or join up yourself.

What I'm Loving!!

Here are a few things I'm loving right now...

My Brooks Trance 11 Running Shoes...

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I have knee issues and my foot tends to roll out particularly if I'm tired (like at the end of an event) and I never have that problem with these. They are great shoes and I love them. I can't recommend them enough.

My Urban Decay Urban Defense Tinted Moisturizer...

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Sometimes I just want a little bit of coverage/color and this works perfect. Plus it has SPF 20 so it protects my skin too. I even use it on race days because it holds up pretty well. (obviously if you get too sweaty it comes off but it even holds up to Virginia humidity)

My It's a 10 Miracle Styling Cream...

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This stuff is a true miracle for naturally curly, thick hair in a humid environment. I use about a quarter size dollop of this stuff for my whole head of hair. And it gives nice hold without crunch and without fading throughout the day. It is wonderful!

My Victoria Secret Yoga Pants...

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I live in these pants at home. They are so comfortable and I love them. I've even walked the dog in them because they fit so nicely. I will say if you are shorter they run a bit long even with the shortest inseam but they are great. And I love the waistband because it is so comfortable.

My husband's name popping up in my email box...

Because of his schedule underway email is sporadic so I'm very excited to see an email from him. I will confess that although I know he won't be emailing me every hour on the hour I still check my email every hour on the hour (and sometimes on the half hour).

What are you loving right now?

Putting Out Fires

Sometimes in my life I feel like I spend so much time putting out fires for my friends and my family that I don't really have time to worry about myself. Now in some ways this is good because it keeps me distracted. But sometimes it is frustrating because I'm constantly taking care of someone else's issues. And I feel like some how mine get pushed to the back burner.

For example...Friday night I went out with my friends T and S for "girls night out." I thought to myself that it would be cool to see them and to chat. Basically it was a time for T to grumble about her boyfriend's ex-wife while S and I listened. Then to break it up a bit S asked me about J and talked some about her work. But very quickly it went back to T and the ex-wife. And I don't want to monopolize the conversation or anything but I almost feel like we need a chess timer so each person gets equal time.

I've noticed that people don't really ask how you're doing unless it seems like you're struggling. I don't wear the fact that J is deployed on my sleeve. He is deployed and I miss him ALOT but I go about my day to day stuff pretty well. (most days) I've even had people comment about the fact that I don't seem to struggle with deployment. Now of course they don't see me when I'm having a bad day.

Do you ever feel like you put out other people's fires?

Love

I have about 5-6 blog entries floating in my head. I'm trying to get them into an organized state to put them on the blog. So they are coming but for today I leave you with this...because I need to remember it right now.

Titanic

I've always had an obsession with the Titanic. I'm not sure I can really pinpoint it other than it was this amazing unsinkable vessel that sank and the tragedy that surrounded it was heart breaking. I've read books about it, I've been the the Titanic museum in Canada, I wanted to go to the museum in England, I've watched specials, and of course movies. I love Titanic the movie because of the story and I loved the Unsinkable Molly Brown because of her role on the Titanic. I recently watched the ABC series Titanic as well. What fascinates me to this day is that there were so many things that they did wrong at the time of the Titanic and they knew it but they let it go to sea anyway. The biggest mistake was the lifeboats of course which went on to change maritime law so that there would never be such a great loss of life again. I guess that is a good thing that the tragedy brought to life.

Another thing that fascinates me is the depiction of locking the third class passengers in third class as the boat was sinking. From what I've found they didn't do this in real life. It would have been illegal. The real reason so many third class passengers died is because of miscommunication that they couldn't easily get to the first class deck and the lack of lifeboats. Some of the second and third class women and children survived because of the women and children first rules. Many of the first class people died because they didn't believe it was sinking until it was too late. But there was a lot of chaos and the stories were told by survivors so it is possible things were twisted over the years. I encourage you to do your own reading. 

Are there historical events and things that raise your curiosity?

Please Won't You Be My Neighbor

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I am currently blessed with amazing neighbors (on one side)! They are so helpful and great friends. He kindly mows my lawn every week or two while J is away. She is a pet nanny and will check in on the cats and the puppies if needed. She has also helped me walk the dogs on occasion. He has fixed my lawn mower, weed wacked my yard, and even put down fertilizer. When we got a big snow he and another neighbor kindly shoveled my driveway. It is truly wonderful to live next door to friends. We get together for dinner, drinks, and general chatting. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful neighbors.

Now on the other side is a strangely recluse man. He is friendly enough when he talks to you. But I think he is scared of me. And he has a lady friend who sometimes stays with him who is delightful. But he comes and goes at the oddest hours day and night 10:00 pm, 12:00 am, 3:00 am, etc. You may ask how nosy am I? Well it's like this...his driveway is right below our bedroom window and right next to our kitchen window so we hear him coming and going at all hours. The kicker is he sometimes wakes our dogs which in turn wakes me. One night at 2:00 am he and his lady friend got into a screaming match in the driveway. I almost called the cops. They also had a dog for a bit but no fence so they would let her run around. Well on more than one occasion she and my dogs had a run in with each other (I walk mine on leashes in the yard). Then they just chained her out which meant she sat there and barked. Fortunately for the dog she has found a new home. Currently we don't have a fence between our strange neighbor and us...I'm getting estimates so I can get a bit of privacy in our backyard. As they say...fences make the best neighbors.

I guess you never know what you'll get when you move into a neighborhood. Honestly even with the strange neighbor I feel pretty blessed to have great neighbors on one side and good neighbors around me.

This was inspired by:



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I "love" Dentists!

So 6 years ago I had a root canal and a crown done on the very back tooth on the upper right of my mouth (the tooth right in front of your wisdom teeth). Well my wisdom teeth were in but they were impacted so the dentist kind of ignored them. He said I should have them pulled at some point but nothing too really rush into. So I didn't. I didn't really want to have them pulled and they weren't bothering me.

Jump ahead to November of 2010...new dentist because the other one's office staff was horrible...my new dentist tells me that in her opinion before anything else is done in my mouth the wisdom teeth must be pulled. Apparently there was some decay in one of the wisdom teeth that had come through and she wanted them out. So in January of 2011 I had them pulled.

Then later that year I had to have my teeth deeply cleaned (as in the give you shots of Novocaine to numb you kinda cleaning). They took some x-rays and told me that I had about 10 things that needed to be done in my mouth. Including putting a crown on a tooth that had had root canal, a number of fillings, and that there was decay under the crown on my back tooth. So this year I had the crown put on and a couple fillings done. I tell them I keep getting food caught by the other tooth with a crown. They look and decided they need to replace the crown.

So yesterday I went to have them start the work on the crown and replace two fillings on the teeth in front of it. When they got the crown off they discovered the tooth under it was too far decayed to put a crown back on and it needs to be pulled. So now I have decide if I want to pull it and leave it open or if I want to pull it and have a implant put in. But there are some concerns about putting an implant in on the top so I may not have an option. I get to go back to the oral surgeon who pulled my wisdom teeth to see what he thinks about the implant and to find out what my insurance will cover. In the meantime my face feels like I've been hit because my mouth was open so long and stretched so much yesterday. Not too thrilled about the idea of a tooth being pulled but I guess it is better than having a bad tooth.

I Will Thrive: Deployment - Friends

There is a quote "be careful what you wish for" today I'm going to change it to say "be careful what you pray for...you might just get it."

Prior to J leaving I had 3 friends that we're close, 2 of whom were extremely close. We had regular girls nights and such. The day J left for the first time, they invited me over to spend time with them. But as time passed my friend T was much more involved in her various dating relationships and wasn't around as much. My friend S really stepped up. She went to church with me so I didn't have to go alone. We would go out to dinner often so I wasn't home alone. And she was my deployment spouse. She was truly a lifesaver. As time as gone by she has pulled away some because of her relationship with her guy D. When they broke up she was back at a high intensity level. They have started to hang out as friends again so she has disappeared some again. Her explanation for not calling is that she assumes I'm dancing at the Studio, the dogs would prevent me, I'm doing something with my Mom, or that I just have other plans. I told her to call me and see not to assume. ;-)

Because J is a Geo-Bachelor and his "deployment" is three years I realize that I'm a bit more maintenance than if he was on a standard deployment or underway. I realize this so I decided that I need to expand my friend circle so one person isn't responsible for "taking" care of me. I decided to pray about it and ask God to help me expand my circle and for me to be open to new people. Well God heard and God responded.

First my coworker N asked me to join a group on Monday nights for games and possible Bible Study. I went and had a great time so I attend that on a regular basis. A church member and friend where I work invited me to come over for dinner one night after work. I went and had good food, good friends, and a good fire. Then my friends and neighbors invited me to their house for frivolity and dinner. I needed it for a number of reasons. And I again had a great time. And my friend S who hadn't been calling me, called me twice to do something. (granted it was when her man D wasn't available but still the thought was there). Finally, my friend S and I were supposed to go to sunrise service but she wasn't feeling well. Well I almost rolled over and went back to sleep but something kept nagging me to go. So I got dressed and went. I met a delightful couple who normally attend a different service. He was retired Coast Guard so they got the military aspect. They invited me (and treated me) to breakfast on Easter morning. It was wonderful company and food.

God never ceases to amaze me. But I know now...be careful when you pray...you might just get it.

I Will Thrive: Deployment Stories - When They Come Home

No he's not home. I wish he were but he's not. And it looks like he won't be home for a long time as in not til December/January time frame. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about when he comes home. I blame the show Homecoming. Which I've stopped watching because for me it makes me miss him more and I get slightly jealous.

I've been wondering what it will be like when he comes home for R&R and more specifically for good. I miss him dreadfully but I've become accustomed to him not being here. I only have to worry about myself and the dogs right now. If I want to go out I only have to consult my calendar. As far as cooking (or not) I only have to worry about  me. If something needs to be done I do it or find someone who can. Some days it scares me how easily I've slid back into my single habits. And I know that I've changed in the time that he's been gone, some for the better, some for the worse. I assume he has too. I can tell in our phone conversations that he too has gone back to his "single" mentality. But being in the situations he has been in and going through what he's gone through changes a person.

We've been through one R & R and we'll have one more in the December/January time frame then he'll be home for good sometime next summer. I've decided the best thing we can do is just talk like we always do and lay it out there. Discuss our expectations, our concerns, our joys, etc with each other openly and honestly so that we are both on the same page. And have patience with each other. It will have it's challenges but I think it can also be a fun time when we reconnect with each other.

**as a disclaimer when I say single I mean the habits of doing things without consideration of another not in the romantic sense, both of us are very committed to our marriage and each other and distance hasn't changed that**

What are your thoughts on reconnecting?