Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Evolution of Your Fears

Sunday night I watched Army wives. As a regular person it would have been touching and possibly make you teary. As a military wife it was a tear jerker, honestly I think anyone who has someone affiliated with the military would have found it to be a tear jerker. It was well written, well acted, and well done over all. Although I cried through a lot of it I really enjoyed the show. It showed the sacrifices that the military make in a very real way.

It got me to thinking about my fears and how they have truly evolved over the years. As a child I feared the usual things the dark, monsters under my bed, etc. As I got a little older I feared having my head covered with blankets, etc (this is still true today...it isn't a fear but I don't like it).

When I was in upper elementary we were in Alaska and the Cold War was raging and my fears went to what happened if Russia attacked us. My father was in the Air Force and worked on the radars in Alaska and on more than one occasion got called in to deal with "visitors" who were in our air space. My mother helped calm this fear by explaining to me that people like my Dad from both the U.S. and Russia worked to keep the peace. This helped a lot.

When my Dad was in Saudi Arabia my fear was something would happen to him. Thanks to my brother being in NY City, London, and a few other places during or right before an explosion (not 9-11) I worried about him a lot.

When I was married the first time I worried that I would never be good enough physically, mentally, or emotionally. My ex was a tad verbally abusive. When I got divorced I worried I would be alone for the rest of my life. But after some deep internal thought I determined that being alone for all the right reasons beat being married for all the wrong ones...hands down.

Now my biggest fear is the black car pulling up in front of my house and the two men getting out to inform me that the Navy regrets to inform me....it isn't something I dwell on every day but it is something that is in the back of my mind. J once said to me that I had lived without him so if something happened I would survive without him. He is right but it doesn't mean I want to know how.

I want to thank all the military families who have lost a loved one in the call of duty. Today's military men and women are willingly in the military and they know the risks involved. They are willing to die for their country, for you, and for me. Their families are proud of their service to the country but the loss is felt deeply none the less. So to those who have a loved one who has died or been injured serving our country THANK YOU!!!