Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I've looked at love from both sides now...

I know I've talked about this before but it has come up in conversation again recently. J and I were talking about how neither of us fully understands what the other is going through during this deployment. And the truth is each side has its pluses and minuses. This is the list we came up with.

For the deployed person...
  • They get to go someplace different that doesn't have 200+ memories of their loved ones
  • They have a job to do that usually keeps them pretty busy
  • They are surrounded by people in the same boat (sometimes literally) 
  • They sometimes get to have really neat and fun experiences depending on their location
  • They sometimes get to go to really cool places as part of their time away (being underway is particularly good for this)
  • They are someplace separate from their loved ones
  • They have a job to do that can be life threatening
  • They are constantly surrounded by people
  • They can't share what they are doing or where they are going with their loved ones
  • They aren't home to share in all the experiences going on while they are gone

For the spouse at home...
  • We are in a familiar environment with our home, our family, our pets, etc.
  • We are now doing the job of two people so we keep pretty occupied
  • We are in some cases surrounded by fellow military spouses who are going through the same thing or who have gone through the same thing so they ask how we're doing
  • We all have a list of things that we get to do when they are gone but we can't do when they are home (watch chick flicks, watch our tv shows, eat cereal for dinner, etc)
  • We aren't in harms way on a daily basis 
  • We are in a familiar environment that reminds us of them and the fact that they aren't there
  • We are now doing the job of two people
  • We also have people around us who have no idea what we are going through and make insensitive comments.
  • We hold our breath when the phone rings, when there is a knock at the door, when a black car drives down the street slowly, etc.
  • We go for periods where we don't hear from them and we don't know what's going on. Which means we can't answer our family and friends when they as how is he doing and where is he?
What are some pluses and minuses for you and your spouse?


Whitney said...

Some Pluses:
-We never fight or argue when he's deployed, because there isn't much to disagree on. So, almost all of our conversations are full of love and positivity.
-We get to miss each other. Some couples don't really ever get to see how much their spouse really contributes to the home or to their life, because the spouse is always around. Whenever he deploys, it shows me how much he does for me and how much he contributes to our home. It's easy to take those little things for granted.
-I get to fall asleep with the TV on, keep healthier/girly food in the house, the house stays cleaner, less laundry, etc.