Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day ~ Another Part of Our Story

Four years ago five days after our first date my husband and I celebrated our first Valentine's Day. It was actually pretty smooth on his part because it was on a Thursday and he invited me to come over on Wednesday night to spend the night so we woke up together on Valentine's Day. (ok don't judge my behavior we moved quickly) It was very sweet.

Now the Valentine's Day the next year was not so smooth...Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday that year. So on Friday night we agreed to have dinner with my parents and then we would do our thing on Saturday. We had reservations at a local restaurant at 7:00 PM. There was a Hail and Farewell for one of J's co-workers that day at 2:00 PM so we figured it wouldn't be a problem. At 5:00 PM there was no sign of J so I tried calling him. I got a text that he was going to be there for a few more minutes then he'd head home. Sounded good. Until 6:30 PM rolled around and still no J. I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail. I called my parents to cancel dinner and the restaurant to cancel our reservations. I figured he was caught in tunnel traffic but I didn't want to delay everything so I figured easier to reschedule. At about 7:30 PM I get a very apologetic call from him that he was just leaving the Hail & Farewell. He gets home and tells me that this guy who he thought hated him told him he had far more potential than he was ever given credit for and it was very emotional for J.

So we decide to go on about our evening and go to a friend's going away party (different person). We end up getting into a fight at the party and his friends try to calm me down. That didn't go well. So when we got home we hashed it out and in a discussion about how according to him I lived just fine without him and if he died going on deployment my life would be just fine. I explained to him that no things would not be the same and I would not be just fine if something happened to him. He also had this illusion that deployment wasn't as big a deal for the one left behind because we have our jobs, our homes, our lives, etc so things just go on. I then proceeded to explain that yes we did have our lives, our jobs, our homes, etc but we also lived with the fear of a black car pulling up in front of our house and a knock on the door. He had honestly never thought about it that way and it was quite an eye opening conversation for both of us. That night we go to bed feeling pretty good about us and our Valentine's Day weekend.

The next day (Valentine's Day) we wake up go about our morning routine with coffee, etc. We were meeting Mom and Dad for lunch and things were going good. Our first anniversary was earlier in the week and he had given me a card and flowers and I hadn't given him anything so I gave him a card and some cologne for Valentine's day. We decided that we didn't want to try to go to dinner so we would do dinner at home. But we wanted to come up with some Valentine's tradition. We did and we headed off to go shopping. On our way home we were going to stop at a friend's bar that was having a grand opening that weekend. While we're out shopping he gets a phone call from his sister. He ignores it because we're in the middle of our Valentine's Day celebration. She then calls me and I ignore it. She then calls me again. I decide to answer in case something weird has happened like she and her boyfriend broke up. She asks me if J is there I tell her of course. She asks me how we are. I tell her good. She asks me what we're doing. I tell her we're out for Valentine's Day. Then she whispers that her boyfriend asked her to marry him and she said yes. And admittedly we're both silent. Then we both say congratulations. She wants to talk wedding stuff, etc and we're thinking it's Valentine's Day you should get back to your fiance and we should get back to our Valentine's Day stuff. But we chit chat. As soon as we hung up the phone our night went down hill. J was ticked because his sister's boyfriend made a big deal about how he was going to talk to family before proposing and he didn't. And I was (embarrassingly now) upset because she got engaged first and I was going to have to hear about it for the next year. (selfish I know)

So we give up on our shopping and head to our friend's bar. We play pool and I drink one too many Captain and Sprites. I text my single girlfriends grumbling about her engagement. And J is just in a pissy mood because of his sister. We go home and go to bed. The next day we get up and he can tell I'm upset (through my hangover) so we talk and he explains its not a contest and the fact that she's engaged doesn't mean anything...blah blah blah. And I text my single friends apologies for being so insensitive. He had to go to Florida for work so we get him packed and I take him to the airport. After I get him off I meet a friend for dinner and a movie. I realize while watching He's Just Not That You that I am a very lucky woman. My boyfriend is a far better "husband" than some husbands and he excels at being a husband compared to my ex-husband. So I tell him this through a text because he can't talk. Here is the gist of my text...

"Honey I'm an ass. I've truly been a jerk about this whole thing
with your sister and her engagement. Who cares if we're engaged or if we ever get engaged.
We wake up every day and choose to be together. And I don't need a ring to be happy with you.
You are a better husband as a boyfriend than my ex was as a husband.
You love me for who I am, where I am and for that I love you! Happy Valentine's Day!"

It was that weekend that started me down the path of deciding I didn't want an engagement ring and that tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be. So alls well that ends well. 

What is a Valentine's Day you remember for better or for worse?


Shari@Rain into Rainbows said...

Oh wow, so y'all have been fortunate enough to be based here for several years, then? So have we... and I pray that we can finish up here.