Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

In Semisonic's song "Closing Time" a recurring line is "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" I've always liked the song but it never really hit me how true it was until recently.

James last Halloween

On July 1st my dear friend and co-worker James lost his battle with Leukemia. He fought valiantly for a year and died days shy of his 50th birthday. His loss hit me hard...he was like a brother to me. He had supported me both personally and professionally and he was dear to me. We have been hurting as a staff and as friends of this amazing man.

His office and position are still empty. The search for his replacement will be a ways down the road still but we are talking about moving our new Director of Children's Ministry in to his office. She was our part time Preschool Director and with the death of James and our Nursery Director leaving, her job evolved into a full time job that covers preschool, nursery, and children's ministries through elementary school.

It is logical to move her into his office since many of the children's ministry supplies are in there. I was even the one who suggested she move into that office. But what I wasn't prepared for was the fact that her moving into his office would bring a final closure to James' death. I know we have to move on and I know he would want us to do so. But it doesn't make it an easy thing. And I know emotions will be there for a while. It is time to start moving on. And as we start a new chapter I'm reminded of this song.

How Time Flies...

I know this is a little out of season but the young man playing the sax is getting ready to graduate from his doctorate program and I babysat him when he was 6 and I was 16. How time flies...and I haven't aged a bit...;-) He is very gifted and plans to teach music I think he'll be great! Wishing him the best of luck in life!!

I Will Thrive: Asking for Help

Source

Most Sundays the sermons are good this past Sunday it was a 2x4. It came from 2 Kings 4:1-7 which is the story of the widow who is in danger of losing her sons to pay her husband's debts. She took her concerns to Elisha who's response was "What shall I do for you?." He then told her to go to all of her neighbors and collect pots to put the oil in her house in. She had more than enough oil to fill the pots and when she sold the pots of oil she had more than enough money to save her sons and take care of them. The pastor confessed initially when he heard this story as a child he thought it was about a money or an oil shortage but in reality it was a story about a faith shortage. She had gotten in a rut which became a crisis. And she had not gone to her community until it was almost too late.

He went on to say that in our society today we so often do the same thing she did because we are uncomfortable asking for help. According to him asking for help is not a walk of shame but a walk of faith, with Christ we have community and we should embrace it and allow it to embrace us. He then asked us...are we ready to help our neighbors? Are we ready to ask for help?

This got me thinking about my experiences with this deployment. I read many military blogs and many tell the tales of their spouse being deployed. On many of the pages I read stories about how they rock at deployment, that deployment isn't so bad, etc sort of a I'm a military wife hear me roar kind of thing. And I admit when I first started this deployment back in September of 2010 I took sort of the same attitude. I thought I've lived on my own I can handle this I'll be great. Yeah well somewhere along the way I got slapped with reality. Yes I have lived on my own. Yes I have survived just fine without my husband before he came into my life. Yes I can do this. But I became accustomed to having my husband around the house for company, to help me with things, to do things I don't like doing, to help clean house, help take care of the dogs, for moral support, and yes for physical affection. I am not good at asking for help. 

If I'm having a rough day because I miss him I usually keep it to myself. My yard is mowed by my wonderful neighbor but I need some other yard stuff done like weeding and hedge trimming and I don't ask for help even-though there are people who would be happy to do so. Last Sunday I sat in my driveway on the verge of tears because I missed him so much and I contemplated going to my neighbors house or one of my other friends' houses but I didn't. The reality is if I had gone they would have welcomed me and supported me with open arms, a shoulder, and an ear. But they can't help if I don't ask. I'm getting better. I told my neighbor about it after the fact and she about smacked me for not coming over.

I guess what I'm saying is we are not an island and we don't have to do this alone. We are part of a community whether it is a church community, a military community, or a physical community we belong and we should call upon them. We would want them to call upon us so we need to lead by example and have faith. So ask for help! And be there when your friends and neighbors ask for help.

I Will Thrive: Deployment - Friends

There is a quote "be careful what you wish for" today I'm going to change it to say "be careful what you pray for...you might just get it."

Prior to J leaving I had 3 friends that we're close, 2 of whom were extremely close. We had regular girls nights and such. The day J left for the first time, they invited me over to spend time with them. But as time passed my friend T was much more involved in her various dating relationships and wasn't around as much. My friend S really stepped up. She went to church with me so I didn't have to go alone. We would go out to dinner often so I wasn't home alone. And she was my deployment spouse. She was truly a lifesaver. As time as gone by she has pulled away some because of her relationship with her guy D. When they broke up she was back at a high intensity level. They have started to hang out as friends again so she has disappeared some again. Her explanation for not calling is that she assumes I'm dancing at the Studio, the dogs would prevent me, I'm doing something with my Mom, or that I just have other plans. I told her to call me and see not to assume. ;-)

Because J is a Geo-Bachelor and his "deployment" is three years I realize that I'm a bit more maintenance than if he was on a standard deployment or underway. I realize this so I decided that I need to expand my friend circle so one person isn't responsible for "taking" care of me. I decided to pray about it and ask God to help me expand my circle and for me to be open to new people. Well God heard and God responded.

First my coworker N asked me to join a group on Monday nights for games and possible Bible Study. I went and had a great time so I attend that on a regular basis. A church member and friend where I work invited me to come over for dinner one night after work. I went and had good food, good friends, and a good fire. Then my friends and neighbors invited me to their house for frivolity and dinner. I needed it for a number of reasons. And I again had a great time. And my friend S who hadn't been calling me, called me twice to do something. (granted it was when her man D wasn't available but still the thought was there). Finally, my friend S and I were supposed to go to sunrise service but she wasn't feeling well. Well I almost rolled over and went back to sleep but something kept nagging me to go. So I got dressed and went. I met a delightful couple who normally attend a different service. He was retired Coast Guard so they got the military aspect. They invited me (and treated me) to breakfast on Easter morning. It was wonderful company and food.

God never ceases to amaze me. But I know now...be careful when you pray...you might just get it.

Heavy Heart

Leukemia Awareness

I have a heavy heart this week and today. A dear friend and co-worker has been in ICU fighting his second round with Leukemia. They have given him chemo and it is apparently more than his body can handle. There is concern he may not make it through this. So we are praying without ceasing for him, his wife, and their 13 year old daughter.

If you are a person who prays please add my friend to your prayer list. Thank you!!

Deployments Easy Huh?

Source

I briefly mentioned this in last Monday's random post. I have a friend T who has been dating a guy who is in the Air Force for 5 months. He is currently stationed at a local base so they see each other on weekends and week day evenings as schedule allows. Currently it isn't very different from dating a guy in a civilian job (kinda like when J was on shore duty I got spoiled) he isn't in immediate danger and has a 9-5 schedule so to speak. Well two weeks ago he got the heads up that he was deploying. T called a girl's night so we could help her work through it. During our 6 hour pow wow she kept saying "the deployment is easy, I know I can handle that because it's easy." At the time I just kind of nodded and smiled because she was on a roll. She said she was more worried about their relationship status and where they were headed. I get that. There is a lot of uncertainty in a relationship with a deployment but have a relationship that is still trying to define itself and add a deployment it is unnerving. Then less than a week later they learned he wasn't going because someone else was deploying instead.

After dwelling on mulling this over a bit because that's what I'm struggling with the fact that she repeatedly said deployments were easy. The sarcastic side of me wants to say "really they're easy huh? And you know this how because of all of your vast experience with deployments and the military?" But two things came to play on this first she's a friend and that isn't really a way to talk to a friend and second I heard Wife on the Roller Coaster in my head calling those of us who have more military experience to help educate those who are new. T has never been affiliated with the military she was born and raised in one place and no one close to her has ever been military. Having grown up as an Air Force brat I had a good idea of what I was getting into with J. T does not fully grasp the military life. She however thinks she gets it completely. And makes comments that could be taken wrong in certain crowds. So here are my words of wisdom for her.

Be aware of your audience. There will be times when you are in a circle with someone
whose spouse has been deployed many times with a short turnaround,
or someone whose spouse is in a very dangerous area or
you may be in a group with a spouse who lost her spouse during a deployment.
Do not assume you know how something is until you've gone through it.

It may be easy for you and that is great but most likely it will be harder than you think.
Just because I'm not a basketcase 24/7 doesn't mean I find deployment easy.
I just don't wear my emotions on my sleeve because that's not who I am.
How would you feel if I said being a single mom was easy. I'm not one. I don't know.
So I don't make comments because I don't live your life.
Listen to the advice of those who have been through it (military life).
We are more than happy to share, support, and encourage.

But don't tell us you know how it is and it is easy because you don't know yet and it isn't.
Show us respect and we will respect you.

Perspective

"Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday." Wear Sunscreen by

Mary Schmich

It is amazing to me how time and time again my life is put into perspective. I have things going on in my life I worry about a husband in Japan, my parents divorce, my father getting remarried, my friends, my health, etc. But all of those were put into perspective last week. A dear friend was diagnosed with cancer and has begun a frightening and unknown journey in dealing with it. He is like a family member to me. I can't imagine what he and his wife are going through and I realize the only thing I can do at this point is pray. And appreciate what I have  in my life and the blessings that God has given me. So I encourage you to focus on your blessings and try and limit worrying because truly real troubles will blindside you when you least expect it.

Please say a prayer for my friend J and his family.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

This weekend was busy busy busy but so much fun.

Friday brought our annual Christmas Party at the pastors' home. They prepare the main dish and we bring sides. Then we do a Dirty Santa Christmas exchange. (Let me explain...everyone brings a gift. We all draw numbers. You can either open a gift or take someone else's gift. Every year the alcohol is the biggest hit. Yes I work in a church.) This year the Pastors decided to do a pig pickin' and roast a whole pig. I had the job of finding the pig. Interesting process I tell you. We had a great time and it was very laid back which was nice.

Saturday my friends S and T and I went to see Love and Other Drugs. It was a good movie and the storyline was great but there was lots of sex and nudity. Much more than we were expecting. It has a very sweet ending. I would recommend it just be prepared. Then my day of early birthday surprises began...first T and S paid for my movie and my snacks. Then we went to lunch at Plaza Azteca where I was surprised by my friend A and her daughter A with balloons. They "accidently" mentioned that it was my birthday so the servers sang happy birthday and gave me birthday Flan. It was too sweet and I was full so I didn't eat much but it was the thought that counts. Then we went to do some shopping and get Starbucks. Then they surprised me later with dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings where our friend D and his kids K and K were. Then there was very delish Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cake. D said he wanted to pay for my dinner because he wanted to say thank you to J and I for the sacrifices we make for our country. And he wanted J to know that people were supportive of me back here with him over there. It was very sweet. T, S, and I finished the night at The Pub. We had a great time with way too much food. But I couldn't ask for better friends. I am truly blessed.

Sunday brought an attempt to go to church that was foiled by a bridge opening. So we went to lunch and did some shopping. Then we went to my work for the First Place 4 Health class intro and I set up for our Blue Christmas service. Then home. It was a long day too. But lots of fun!

Disconnected...

Do you ever get disconnected from friends just due to life getting in the way? It isn't intentional. It just happens.

I have some friends who I was very close to a couple years ago and now we rarely talk to each other. When we do we love it and promise we'll do better in the future but work, families, etc happen and we lose touch again. And it is ok. I miss them but I know when it is time we will come back together. In the meantime we hold onto the knowledge that the other is there. I've had other friends come and go and now we're close as ever again. I trust there is a reason why some people are close to you at certain times. But it still saddens me slightly that we aren't as close as we once were...

When J and I got married I inherited...2 parents-in-law...7 siblings-in-law (5 of them have spouses)...and 13 nieces and nephews. I was all gung ho at the family reunion to get birthdays, anniversaries, addresses, etc for each of them to remain in contact and then I haven't. So I'm setting a goal while J is away to gain contact with his family. Keep them up to date on us, him, and me. We'll see...I still have the great idea of making a family calendar that has all the dates through out and then a list of addresses in back.

I think the problem is that there is so much stuff in our daily lives that when we get home we want to decompress and not deal with people. That might just be me...I love being at home with J and the puppies. I'm quite a home body now which is quite different from when I met J because I went out all the time. And I still enjoy that on occasion but I like being at home. Some friends have "blamed" J for my disappearance but really it is my choice. And when I'm home I don't want to be on the phone because I want to spend time with J. I am realizing that I do need to do a little bit of work on those relationships and it will happen in time.

The other thing I look at is they can call us too. J and I both have friends that grumble about how they never see us or hear from us. But they don't call us either so I think we are all busy with our lives.

Monster Trucks and Cinco de Mayo...

Or what I did this weekend...

Last time J's sister M and her fiance J were over my J offered to take him out this past weekend for his final hurrah of sorts. So Friday night M's fiance came over and the guys went out bar hopping. They had a good time even though some of the bars were a bit dead for a Friday. While they were out I finished the jewelry I was making for J's sister for her maid of honor. It was a good night for the puppies and I, they laid around and I got a lot done. Normally Ares goes in his crate and Eva just roams the downstairs but with M's fiance spending the night on the couch we realized that they would need to sleep upstairs. I made up the couch and headed to bed. We (the puppies and I) were all peacefully sleeping when the guys got home. The dogs went nuts barking and whining. So needless to say it was a late night with little sleep. M loved the jewelry and thinks her sister (the maid of honor) will love it too.

Saturday we woke up around 8:00 AM with the puppies ready to go. So we got up made coffee, etc. J had a to-do list of stuff he wanted to get done around the house. But he wasn't really motivated so he sat and sat. We had a friend's son's birthday party to go to at 2:00 PM that day so he felt his day was shot time wise and he postponed the list to Sunday. So we went to Lowe's to get supplies for the projects and then to Target for a birthday present for our friend's son. He is a four year old boy...what does he like Monster Trucks...so we got him a monster truck race set with an additional monster truck. We also bought his older brother a monster truck so he could play too. It was fun shopping for him. Then home to get ready to go to the party. We got there and it was a nice quiet party. Good food of hot dogs and hamburgers and a yummy cake!!

Then we came home to let our neighbors dog out and get ready for our next event. We headed to our friends' annual Cinco de Mayo party. We had so much fun. J was the designated driver so I had a few (too many) margaritas. It was a lot of fun that night but not so much fun the next morning. It took me most of the day to feel normal. J however felt great and got his list knocked out including installing an awesome new fan in our living room. Oh what a wonderful difference it makes. And he makes it look so easy to just throw it up there and go. And it has a remote (we have high ceilings) so you can adjust the speed easily. It helped cool down the house but we still ended up turning on the AC to help cool down the puppies. We ordered in dinner and watched Celebrity Apprentice.

I'm trying to get up to date on previous seasons of Lost before the series finally. And thanks to Netflix I can get all the previous seasons instantly. It is great so we watched episodes all afternoon. I know I'm a little behind but it seems fitting to catch up before it goes off.

Nail Polish Swap

I have to admit I'd never participated in a swap before so I didn't know what to expect. I was overwhelmed by the generosity of Patricia from Preppy in Pink she sent me a wonderfully packaged box of goodies. I opened by box to find a green box wrapped in a white ribbon. I opened that and found...

 

A Ped Egg, a pedicure kit, two adorable post-it pads, and a bottle of OPI polish in a wonderful dark pinkish/purple color. I can't wait to try the different parts of my gift. I love giving myself at home pedicures so these will get lots of use.

Thank you Patricia!!!

And in 2010....

In the past I've always been a resolution girl....

Some of my past resolutions:
(in no particular order)

• lose weight
• lose a husband
• gain a boyfriend
• get closer to God
• get healthier
• get closer to friends
• lose weight
• get a different job
• graduate from college
• go back to school

So this year I've decided no resolutions...but I like the idea of goals so here are my goals for 2010

• Be closer to God by participating at church and reading the Bible
  
• Be healthier by going to the Y more regularly and planning our meals to be healthier
• Be a better housekeeper by doing little things sooner rather than waiting for the big mess
• Be a better wife by listening more and talking less
• Be a better pet mommy by giving them more boundaries and more of my direct time
• Be a business starter by making jewelry and purses to sell
• Be a better friend by initiating contact and not waiting...the phone amazingly works both ways
• I'm sure there's more but this will keep my busy...lol
  

Weekend Update

So this weekend was really quite busy and full...not unusual for us really.

Friday night...Friday night J and I headed over to Norfolk for a Tides game. It was Navy night so as part of the opening ceremony six young men and women said there enlistment oath. J could recite it right along with them. And they came up the aisle where we were sitting and he shook their hands to congratulate them. Of course he didn't have anything identifying himself as Navy but I thought it was a cool gesture on his part. I admit I'm a sap when it comes to all things Patriotic. The National Anthem still makes me misty. I guess it is growing up military and now being with a military man it is just in my blood. The game was actually decent usually when we go the Tides lose. That night they won 3-2 over the Braves. It was a close game which made it fun. And I got to see a guy in front of me eat a Deep Fried Twinkie. It was gross looking really and it looked like a heart attack on a stick but his son liked it. So I guess it works for some. Then they had really cool fireworks after the game and they had given everyone 3-D glasses to watch them. I thought it would be goofy with the glasses but it was actually kind of cool. Although it felt a little like a Pink Floyd lazer light show.

Saturday...We didn't rush out of bed because we just weren't feeling it frankly. Then we got up and puttered around the house. I went to the store to get ingredients for the brownies and corn pudding I was making for Saturday night. I ended up going twice because I forgot the corn bread mix. Oh I was ticked. I hate when I have to waste time to go back to the store when I was just there. Then I spent the afternoon making brownies and corn pudding. We then came up to work where J helped me cover the hall bulletin boards that was an interesting task since the wrath of God was going on outside in the form of a thunderstorm that crazy. Then we went to one of two fantasy football drafts that I'm involved in. Poor J was bored out of his mind because we couldn't talk because we had to focus on our next pick. And I thought it might be somewhat enjoyable for him but it wasn't really. So for my next draft I'll either do it remotely online or I'll go by myself. We then went home to two very crazy puppies who really had way too much energy for 11:00 at night. So late night for us with an early morning for me on Sunday thanks to work.

Sunday...I was up at 7:00 AM so I could go to work to start a slide show from our church's trip to Brazil. (My bosses don't do technology...they love it but it doesn't always love them) And then my Senior Pastor was planning an amazing surprise for his wife, our Associate Pastor. It was their 20 year anniversary and he surprised her with proposing to her again, a gorgeous cross necklace, a renewal of vows with his brother and sister there, and a reception. So I helped him get some things in place for that. Then I met my mom for breakfast. Our relationship is amazing now and it seems to keep getting better. (Not to jinx it) And then I went home to get J so we could go back at 11 for the surprise. It was great she was completely surprised. Then dinner at my parents house later Sunday evening.

All and all a busy weekend for us but a good one none the less.

Helping others...

From June 2005...

I recently got in contact with a friend of mine from Maine. His name is S (it will make things less confusing to use names) he regrettably informed me that a good friend of mine from Maine passed away his name was B. I'm sorry to say that because we had gotten out of contact I did not know this had happened. He died a couple years ago due to complications from Chrohn's Disease.

B was my first love...we were at a party in 7th grade and he and I talked the whole night. I knew after that he was the one for me. Unfortunately he didn't realize it til a year later (boys are always behind the curve). We went to the 8th grade dance together. Although we never officially went out it was kind of assumed we were a couple or as much of a couple as 8th graders can be. After I left Maine, we lost touch for awhile. Then he found me in around 1998 we had a few visits when he was on his way home from school. They were enjoyable. But for some reason we lost touch again. And I took it for granted that I could find him again. Unfortunately he is gone and I can't find him again. But he will live on my memories as many others do.

As I say good bye to my first love I encourage you to stay in contact with those you love and care about because life is short.

Today...I encourage you to go to the Randomness of Meghan she is walking to help raise money for research of Crohn's and Colitis. If you donate to her walk she will mention your blog on her blog...details are on her blog.