Deployments Easy Huh?

Source

I briefly mentioned this in last Monday's random post. I have a friend T who has been dating a guy who is in the Air Force for 5 months. He is currently stationed at a local base so they see each other on weekends and week day evenings as schedule allows. Currently it isn't very different from dating a guy in a civilian job (kinda like when J was on shore duty I got spoiled) he isn't in immediate danger and has a 9-5 schedule so to speak. Well two weeks ago he got the heads up that he was deploying. T called a girl's night so we could help her work through it. During our 6 hour pow wow she kept saying "the deployment is easy, I know I can handle that because it's easy." At the time I just kind of nodded and smiled because she was on a roll. She said she was more worried about their relationship status and where they were headed. I get that. There is a lot of uncertainty in a relationship with a deployment but have a relationship that is still trying to define itself and add a deployment it is unnerving. Then less than a week later they learned he wasn't going because someone else was deploying instead.

After dwelling on mulling this over a bit because that's what I'm struggling with the fact that she repeatedly said deployments were easy. The sarcastic side of me wants to say "really they're easy huh? And you know this how because of all of your vast experience with deployments and the military?" But two things came to play on this first she's a friend and that isn't really a way to talk to a friend and second I heard Wife on the Roller Coaster in my head calling those of us who have more military experience to help educate those who are new. T has never been affiliated with the military she was born and raised in one place and no one close to her has ever been military. Having grown up as an Air Force brat I had a good idea of what I was getting into with J. T does not fully grasp the military life. She however thinks she gets it completely. And makes comments that could be taken wrong in certain crowds. So here are my words of wisdom for her.

Be aware of your audience. There will be times when you are in a circle with someone
whose spouse has been deployed many times with a short turnaround,
or someone whose spouse is in a very dangerous area or
you may be in a group with a spouse who lost her spouse during a deployment.
Do not assume you know how something is until you've gone through it.

It may be easy for you and that is great but most likely it will be harder than you think.
Just because I'm not a basketcase 24/7 doesn't mean I find deployment easy.
I just don't wear my emotions on my sleeve because that's not who I am.
How would you feel if I said being a single mom was easy. I'm not one. I don't know.
So I don't make comments because I don't live your life.
Listen to the advice of those who have been through it (military life).
We are more than happy to share, support, and encourage.

But don't tell us you know how it is and it is easy because you don't know yet and it isn't.
Show us respect and we will respect you.

Held to a Higher Level

Even if you aren't a football fan, you may have heard about Ben Roethlisberger's recent suspension for six games following an incident in Georgia involving a 20 year old girl. Although he hasn't been convicted (I don't even think charges have been filed) the NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell is punishing Roethlisberger for his behavior and lack of good judgment. Sadly this isn't the first time Roethlisberger has been in trouble for something like this...back in 2008 a woman accused him of rape.

If you are not familiar with the story please...go here or here to learn more about it.

Some argue this is too harsh a punishment because he hasn't been convicted of anything. Others argue if Michael Vick got suspended for a year over dogs how come Roethlisberger isn't getting the same punishment? I for one think that six games with the possibility of it being dropped to four seems like more of a slap on the wrist. I realize that this will cost him approximately $2.8 million for something that may or may not have happened but the pattern is there and he used poor judgment. I think he is to an extent using his popularity and name to get away with things that others couldn't get away with. Did he sexually assault a 20 year old young woman? I don't know but it doesn't sound good for him. Did he make a stupid decision putting himself alone with a drunk 20 year old young woman? yes. Does it bring a question? yes. Does he deserve to be punished for marring the young woman's reputation, his reputation, and his team's reputation in question? yes he does.

With people like Michael Vick, Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, and Ben Roethlisberger in the news for various mistakes. So what do you think should celebrities be held to a higher standard?

Weird Pet Peeves

I've learned a few things over the years about myself...I have some weird pet peeves...

1. People who talk to me on the phone while they are in the bathroom...hang up and call me back...yes I can hear the flush in the background.
2. People who start a sentence with "no offense but" what the heck...you are getting ready to say something bad...saying no offense first doesn't make it ok and yes I'm going to take offense.
3. People who constantly talk at a normal level in a movie theater...an occasional whisper about the movie I can handle...discussing how Joe Bob wronged Susie...leave and discuss it a coffee shop. 
4. People who multitask while driving...put your make-up on at home...read your paper at home...tie your tie at home...it is risky enough out there without being distracted.
5. People who take advantage of your gracious nature over and over and over again...we are called to be servants not doormats.
6. People who take all but the last little drop of coffee and don't make a new pot...or at least turn off the pot.
7. People who give you a compliment and then immediately follow it with an insult...umm if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.
8. People who don't have the nerve to confront an issue face to face so they go behind your back...if you think it is important to share it is important to go to the face of the person.
9. People who air all their dirty laundry on Facebook and then feel people are nosey...don't put it out on a PUBLIC site if you don't want people to comment.
10. People who correct everything you say...ok so I said mute instead of moot did you get my point?
11. People who look down at other people because of lack of education, money, house, job position, etc if we're all created in God's image we're all pretty darn impressive if you ask me. 

I'm just saying...

If you don't have something nice to say....

don't say anything at all.

I think every child has heard this from their mothers at one time or another. I know I heard it from my Mom, my Granny, my teachers, etc.

This past Saturday my hubby and our friends S, J, T, A, and M all went to a local dance club (country bar, hey we're in the south this is what we have to work with) well it is a meat meet market for local singles. We only went because we didn't want our friend S to get stuck. Well S, J, and I are all fairly good sized girls...size 18 and above but we are ok with it because we are working on it. Apparently the young guys in the place feel it is ok to give commentary about whatever they want.

We were trying to move through the crowd when a young guy made the comment "make room for the big girls" that only my hubby heard. He said he almost decked the guy. I told him the guy wouldn't have been worth decking. I just would have looked at him and said "yeah we have to get the small di*&ed guys out of the way." I know two wrongs don't make a right but really what gives him the right to make comments like that.

Then later a group of guys made a comment about my friend S that they were surprised she could move so well for her size. I'm sorry when did it become acceptable to make commentary like that. How totally narrow minded really.

We have decide to bypass that place from now on. We are past the single drama and frankly that isn't a good place to meet "the rest of your life" man...it is more the place to meet "the rest of tonight man." Now that isn't to say that there aren't nice guys there. There are but obviously some idiots too.

Forgive and Forget

I love football. I play in two fantasy football leagues. And many football players in my opinion are pampered and spoiled beyond what they should be just because of what they do. (this is true of most professional athletes)

When Michael Vick got arrested for dog fighting I was appalled at the dog fighting and I applauded the NFL and the law for punishing him for his crime. Michael Vick has served his time for the crime he committed. He is now supposedly working with the SPCA to teach young adults about the harms of dog fighting. But apparently PETA does not think this is enough and has been quoted as saying Michael Vick should not be a role model to any child. Now I do not agree with dog fighting in any form...and I believe you should be punished for your crime...but I believe once you have served your time you should be clear. Michael Vick has served his time. The NFL has him on probation of sorts to come back and play. His career may never be the same. At this point I do not think he should be treated any differently than any other player. I think we need to teach children that role models are human...they make mistakes...they are punished for their mistakes...and then we forgive them and go on. Just as we should with anyone else. So Michael Vick may have made mistakes...but I think he can still be a role model assuming he has learned from them and is honestly changing.

As Christians we are called to forgive...are professional athletes above that?