Life After the Navy

My Hubby enjoying the freedom retirement brings!

Navy life had its ups and downs but it had a sense of normality for my husband and myself. As we have been transitioning out of active duty Navy life into the world of retirement there are some things that are the same...the process of getting an ID card is about the same, we have access to the base and all its perks, we still get many of the same discounts at places, my husband was recognized on Veteran's Day, and we still live a similar life. However, for my husband it is all new...in 20 years he hasn't had to apply for a job, he hasn't had to write a resume, he hasn't had to figure out what to wear to work, he hasn't had as many options, and now he has lots of things he's having to do for the first time. It has been an interesting process for him. I on the other hand have really had to do a lot of sitting back and watching. I mean I can give him resume advice, I can help him with job searches, etc but I can't really relate to what he's going through. I've worked at my job for 14 years now so I can relate to doing something for a number of years but I can't relate to having to start over. 

The good news is there are a number of resources out there. The other good news is that many companies look at military service very highly. And his military skills, training, and experience transfer over to the civilian world pretty well. I mean some things don't of course but many of his experiences in the military relate to the civilian world. I'm relieved he is no longer in the Navy...I am very proud of the years of service he gave and the amazing things he did for his country but I'm happy to know I won't have to deal with deployments, training exercises, or duty days again. Most of all I'm relieved I don't have to worry about a knock on my door with two men in uniform at my door.

For all of you with spouses who are still serving in active duty THANK YOU!!! You are amazing people for what you do. Your spouse could not do what he or she does without your love and support and the security of knowing you are keeping the home steady and strong while they are gone. I applaud you and I wish you the best in your continued journey!! 

Our Newest "Baby"

Ms. Bianca

Ms. Bianca with her Pal Otis

** Please ignore the sad state of our carpet in the above pictures...it is scheduled to be torn out soon**

I'd like to introduce Ms. Bianca...we got her when she was about 8 weeks old from a rescue near us. She is a feral kitty which has some challenges sometimes but she has adapted really well. She is crazy...as in spaz like craziness. At first she and Otis didn't like each other but now the play, cuddle, and create havoc together. Our male dog Ares doesn't care she's here. Our female dog Eva seems to want make Bianca her toy playmate. Eva isn't so popular with Bianca.

I hope she is as happy with us as we are with her.

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...

So let me explain what's happened since we've talked last...actually that would take too long so let me sum up...

• My long lost sailor came home for good from Japan in May! It has been wonderful to have him home but it has also been an adjustment for both of us. Two geographically single people combining to be a couple again has been fun, interesting, and different.
• Our dog Eva had to have knee surgery in May and we had a long rough go keeping her calm and confined. She has since recovered after physical therapy. She seems to be doing good.
• My husband retired the end of September after 20 years in the Navy and we are transitioning to civilian life. It is a bigger adjustment for him but it is going well. He is in the job hunt right now and he looks forward to his next career.
• After losing three of our beloved kitties between December of last year and January of this year...we weren't sure we wanted to get another one. But we determined that our Otis kitty was lonely so we adopted a new kitten Bianca. She's crazy and sweet and we love her.
• After 5 years of it sitting not being used we have finally gotten our hot tub set up and running. It has been used twice by my hubby and once by myself. It is wonderful on a cool evening. I love it!
• Work has been insane...we have built a new addition on to the building that includes a new multipurpose room that will be used for worship services in the future. This weekend is our Grand Opening! It is exciting and stressful all in one. 
• Finally after three years of talking, planning, redesigning, renaming, and replanning I've opened my business...I'll be selling jewelry, purses, and children's items online through Etsy. My website is live but my Etsy site is not yet. Coming soon!! 

A few tv show observations...

• My husband got me addicted to Boardwalk Empire and I love it!! So far I'm not sure I like some of the story lines this season but we'll see where it goes. 
• Grey's Anatomy is reaching an end in my opinion...I love that show but I think it needs to go out in style in the next couple of seasons rather than replacing everyone like E.R. did. 
• I think Big Bang Theory is a great show and I love the humor on it.
• We are loving the new show Sleepy Hollow. I love the ties to Christianity and the Bible. I think it has great potential. And they've made Ichabod Crane kinda cute!
• I love the show Blue Bloods...it has Donnie Wahlburg, Tom Selleck, and Will Estes as the main male leads and they do a great job acting as a family. I think this one will be around for a while.

Ok so I'll be posting more soon!! And I've been hoping around to the blogs I read so I can catch up on all of you too. 

Show and Tell Monday Link Up: Marriage Edition

I saw this over on The Misadventures of Mrs. Duh and thought it was kinda neat so I figured I'd link up...

1. Are you married? If so when did you get married, and tell us about your special day. If not? How would you describe your dream wedding?
My husband and I got married September 5th, 2009 at his family reunion at a camp ground in Indiana and then again at our church in Virginia on January 10th, 2010. So I have two special days.

The first wedding we surprised his family with the fact that we were getting married the next day. We had contacted a local retired minister who was gracious enough to perform the wedding including communion with J's family. It took place in a picnic shelter on a lake. It was a sunny beautiful day and we were surrounded by his siblings (most of them), his parents, his nieces and nephews, and a minister who blended beautifully. We had cake and then went back to the cabins to change and have dinner around the camp fire. It was perfect! Our talented niece-in-law took the most amazing pictures. This is also the wedding that he got cake up my nose and I got it on his cheek.

The second wedding was a formal ordeal in a church with our friends and family from Virginia. The ceremony was put together by J and I and it was a very formal ceremony and we loved it. This wedding also had communion which was served by our mothers. His father was the best man and my brother was the man of honor. Following the wedding is when the drama hit. J has biological sisters but was raised in his adoptive family and didn't know them until he was 21. Well his biological sister M was at this wedding and so were his adoptive parents. Immediately following the wedding she ambushed his parents with a hug and proceeded to become a bundle of mess. His parents weren't prepared for this and this of course wasn't how J wanted the meeting to occur so that kinda put a cloud over the pictures and the reception. His mother was very upset by it because she feels that she has her children and M has her mother so there is no need for her to know M. So we had to spend part of our day putting out fires. But overall it was a lovely service and reception.

2. Show us some wedding pictures. Either yours or of some that you love.

During the ceremony our nephew read scriptures from Ruth and 1 Corinthians

The Cake War

An Artistic Picture that we later used for our program at our second wedding

The kiss during the toast

In the Limo

My brother the Man of Honor

One of my Favorites from the Reception

The nice cake feeding

3. How about the engagement? Tell us your story. If not engaged, what's your dream proposal?
Hmm about that...well it's like this. We didn't have a formal proposal because both of us had been married before and it didn't work out so well. I told J I wasn't too worried about a true proposal. We had discussed getting married and we knew he was headed to Japan in July of 2010 and we had decided we'd like to be married before that. We were headed to his family reunion where I would meet the rest of his family that I hadn't met yet and my Mom of all people suggested we get married there since his whole family would be there. She of course also suggested a second wedding in Virginia. So J talked to my father and got his permission which meant a lot to my Dad because my first husband hadn't. We didn't tell anyone really except my parents and my brother and one of his sisters T who in turn told his other sister L. In essence we kind of eloped.

But one night before we headed to the reunion we were laying in bed talking about something not too important. When he looked at me with a very serious look and held my hand and said "we have this wedding planned and I just wanted to ask...do you want to?." To which I smiled and said "yes."

4. Show us your wedding rings or an engagement photo! If not engaged/married, show us your "dream" ring.
I've received some interesting comments on this but I don't have an engagement ring. It is two fold really. First of all again I had the ring the first time around and it just didn't go so well so I wasn't too hung up on it for the second time around. Second we were on a limited budget at the time and I didn't want a chunk of money spent on a ring I probably wouldn't wear that often. And third (I know I know I said it was two fold...work with me) I'm not a huge jewelry person. I wear basic silver earrings, necklaces, etc. I've told him if he wants to get me something he can get me a Ford Mustang. He laughs and says a ring would be cheaper and safer.

My ring is a white gold band and his is a tungsten band that is light gray on the outsides with a dark shiny band in the center.

Our rings and my Bouquet

5. Tell us why you think marriage doesn't work out for so many? What can we do to make things last?
I think the main reasons marriage doesn't work out is because of expectations and a lack of commitment***. People have expectations that are either unrealistic or they forget to share them with their spouse. Your spouse is not from a movie or a story book they will not be perfect all the time (and surprise neither will you) and they also cannot read your mind no matter how hard they try or how long you hope it's not going to happen. You must communicate your expectations.

As for commitment it has shocked and amazed me the number of couples who didn't even make it to the year mark without bringing up the "D" word. You made a commitment to this person til death do you part. How does that go out the window so quickly? Ok so it isn't the fairy tale you thought it would be. Marriage takes work. And it takes a 100% commitment on the part of both parties. When the going gets tough talk about it, go see your pastor or a counselor, make time for each other, laugh together, and above all keep talking (yes I know I said it twice it's that important).

For J and I we have the following rules:

• We won't go to bed angry and we haven't. 
• We won't ever throw out the "D" word (we've both been through it and it sucks so no thank you). 
• We will laugh in an argument because one of us throws out a funny word like farfignewton.
• We will communicate even when we are on different continents.
• We will always kiss good night/good bye and say "I love you" because you never know when that will be the last time. 

***If there is abuse of any kind in a relationship you should not stay! Whether it is physical, sexual, mental, emotional, verbal, etc you should seek help. You do not deserve abuse no matter what you have or haven't done and you are not quitting if you leave an abusive relationship.

Now head over to From Mrs to Mama and link up!

Hi! I'm Churchy, welcome to my blog!

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day! And Wife on a Roller Coaster and Household 6 Diva are holding a MilSpouse Appreciation Day Blog Hop! So welcome! Let me tell you a little about me, him, and us. 

About me...

I'm a former Air Force brat (born at the Air Force Academy) and my Dad retired in Virginia. I have worked for a church for the past 12 years first as a Staff Secretary and now as a Communications Coordinator. I love my job I'm fortunate to work with people I consider friends as much as co-workers. I also love to sew, make beaded jewelry, and I've developed a new addiction to "races" in the past two years I've done 4 5Ks and 1 8K and I have another 5K coming up. (I walk them because my knees would revolt if I ran) I love a good glass of white wine (preferable a bit sweet), a great piece of chocolate (my current favorite is Black & Green), and a good meal with friends (for this I'm game for anything). Oh and I'm a bit of a geek...I love all thing technology related and comic book movies (I can't recommend Avengers highly enough). 

About him...

He is a Detroit boy born and raised. He joined the Navy at the age of 18 (just barely he turned 18 in August and went to boot camp in September). He has been stationed in Virginia on and off for most of his career but he also went to Japan, Puerto Rico, and most recently Japan again. Although he will sometimes grumble about work there is nothing he would rather do. He really is Joe Navy (as he calls himself) and he has had some wonderful experiences thanks to the Navy. He is also big into Harley Davidson (owning a V-Rod), fixing cars, and me. He is the most wonderful man I've ever met. (but I might be biased)

About us...

We met in February 2008 and to be honest it really was love at first sight. We had our first date and never looked back. We got married as a surprise at his family reunion in September 2009 and had a second ceremony here in Virginia in January 2010. We have two fur babies Eva (4 years) and Ares (3 years) who are adorable blue pit bulls (who happen to think they are lap dogs despite their 70lbs). Although still newlyweds we hit the ground running as far as our military challenges...he is currently a Geo-Bachelor in Japan for three years. Thankfully we are almost through two years so then we'll only have a year left. It isn't always easy but email, Viber, and Skype help. 

So there you have it us in a nutshell! I hope you continue to follow the Hop and join in yourself!

Moments

"Life's all about moments, of impact and how they changes our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them?" Leo from The Vow


I went to see the movie The Vow over Valentine's Day weekend. I admit it wasn't exactly how I thought it would be but it was a good movie. I enjoyed it. I'm a fan of the lead actors so that probably had something to do with it. 


The line above jumped out at me. There are so many moments in my life that I treasure. I can't imagine not having them. My husband and I got into a discussion about moments we remember or that we cherish. Here are some of our favorite moments...


His...

• the first time he saw me
• our first kiss
• our first I love you
• when we got Eva (our first dog)
• when we got Ares (our second dog)
• when I met his family (and they loved me)
• his all time favorite...when I said I Do

Mine...

• the first time I saw him
• our first kiss
• our first I love you
• dancing in our living room to our song on our first anniversary at midnight with Eva sitting between us
• when I saw him at the airport for his first trip home
• when he came to work with me on Easter Sunday and sat through all three services (I knew then he was the one)

Those are just a few but they are some of our favorites and I would hate to forget them so I've decided to start a journal that will contain our memories. 

Valentine's Day ~ Another Part of Our Story

Four years ago five days after our first date my husband and I celebrated our first Valentine's Day. It was actually pretty smooth on his part because it was on a Thursday and he invited me to come over on Wednesday night to spend the night so we woke up together on Valentine's Day. (ok don't judge my behavior we moved quickly) It was very sweet.

Now the Valentine's Day the next year was not so smooth...Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday that year. So on Friday night we agreed to have dinner with my parents and then we would do our thing on Saturday. We had reservations at a local restaurant at 7:00 PM. There was a Hail and Farewell for one of J's co-workers that day at 2:00 PM so we figured it wouldn't be a problem. At 5:00 PM there was no sign of J so I tried calling him. I got a text that he was going to be there for a few more minutes then he'd head home. Sounded good. Until 6:30 PM rolled around and still no J. I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail. I called my parents to cancel dinner and the restaurant to cancel our reservations. I figured he was caught in tunnel traffic but I didn't want to delay everything so I figured easier to reschedule. At about 7:30 PM I get a very apologetic call from him that he was just leaving the Hail & Farewell. He gets home and tells me that this guy who he thought hated him told him he had far more potential than he was ever given credit for and it was very emotional for J.

So we decide to go on about our evening and go to a friend's going away party (different person). We end up getting into a fight at the party and his friends try to calm me down. That didn't go well. So when we got home we hashed it out and in a discussion about how according to him I lived just fine without him and if he died going on deployment my life would be just fine. I explained to him that no things would not be the same and I would not be just fine if something happened to him. He also had this illusion that deployment wasn't as big a deal for the one left behind because we have our jobs, our homes, our lives, etc so things just go on. I then proceeded to explain that yes we did have our lives, our jobs, our homes, etc but we also lived with the fear of a black car pulling up in front of our house and a knock on the door. He had honestly never thought about it that way and it was quite an eye opening conversation for both of us. That night we go to bed feeling pretty good about us and our Valentine's Day weekend.

The next day (Valentine's Day) we wake up go about our morning routine with coffee, etc. We were meeting Mom and Dad for lunch and things were going good. Our first anniversary was earlier in the week and he had given me a card and flowers and I hadn't given him anything so I gave him a card and some cologne for Valentine's day. We decided that we didn't want to try to go to dinner so we would do dinner at home. But we wanted to come up with some Valentine's tradition. We did and we headed off to go shopping. On our way home we were going to stop at a friend's bar that was having a grand opening that weekend. While we're out shopping he gets a phone call from his sister. He ignores it because we're in the middle of our Valentine's Day celebration. She then calls me and I ignore it. She then calls me again. I decide to answer in case something weird has happened like she and her boyfriend broke up. She asks me if J is there I tell her of course. She asks me how we are. I tell her good. She asks me what we're doing. I tell her we're out for Valentine's Day. Then she whispers that her boyfriend asked her to marry him and she said yes. And admittedly we're both silent. Then we both say congratulations. She wants to talk wedding stuff, etc and we're thinking it's Valentine's Day you should get back to your fiance and we should get back to our Valentine's Day stuff. But we chit chat. As soon as we hung up the phone our night went down hill. J was ticked because his sister's boyfriend made a big deal about how he was going to talk to family before proposing and he didn't. And I was (embarrassingly now) upset because she got engaged first and I was going to have to hear about it for the next year. (selfish I know)

So we give up on our shopping and head to our friend's bar. We play pool and I drink one too many Captain and Sprites. I text my single girlfriends grumbling about her engagement. And J is just in a pissy mood because of his sister. We go home and go to bed. The next day we get up and he can tell I'm upset (through my hangover) so we talk and he explains its not a contest and the fact that she's engaged doesn't mean anything...blah blah blah. And I text my single friends apologies for being so insensitive. He had to go to Florida for work so we get him packed and I take him to the airport. After I get him off I meet a friend for dinner and a movie. I realize while watching He's Just Not That You that I am a very lucky woman. My boyfriend is a far better "husband" than some husbands and he excels at being a husband compared to my ex-husband. So I tell him this through a text because he can't talk. Here is the gist of my text...

"Honey I'm an ass. I've truly been a jerk about this whole thing
with your sister and her engagement. Who cares if we're engaged or if we ever get engaged.
We wake up every day and choose to be together. And I don't need a ring to be happy with you.

You are a better husband as a boyfriend than my ex was as a husband.
You love me for who I am, where I am and for that I love you! Happy Valentine's Day!"

It was that weekend that started me down the path of deciding I didn't want an engagement ring and that tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be. So alls well that ends well. 

What is a Valentine's Day you remember for better or for worse?

Be True to Yourself

I watched the movie "What's Your Number?" last night and it is a funny and sweet movie that I recommend. It was definitely worth the watch. Without giving away the story too much the main character was trying to find Mr. Right by going back through her exes. And she was also trying to find herself and her future.

Part of the story line was how she changed herself to fit each guy. And I got to thinking about how many of us have done or do that in our romantic lives. I started looking back at my exes and my relationship with them. The main one was my ex-husband he wanted a quiet, demure, Mrs. Beaver type housewife, who had the house spotless and dinner on the table all while wearing pearls. He wanted a very conservative wife both in personality and dress. I tried desperately for 7 years to be that person until I woke up and realized that was not who I was, who I wanted to be, or who I should be.

After our divorce I dated another ex (seemed like a good idea at the time) which ended up in me trying to conform once again to his needs. When that relationship ended. I spent some much needed time single. During this time I looked deep into myself to determine who I was, what made me happy, what ticked me off, and what I couldn't care less about. I realized where I stood politically, where I stood on major issues, and where I stood on silly stuff. I realized a lot about myself in the two years I took off from dating. Then after much thought and work on myself I jumped back into the dating pool. I thought I had it all under control.

But I realized I was slipping into my old habits with a guy I was interested in. I was getting into things he was interested in to impress him. Old Megan was coming back. So I stepped away again while I got my head right. Then I took a leap and went back into the online dating world again. I put my faith in God and my gut. If I listened to both I knew I would find the right guy for me who loved me for me.

I did. I found my husband. He loves me for who I am, where I am. He isn't trying to find 100 ways to change me. In our per-marital counseling when asked what we would change about each other. He said "absolutely nothing she's perfect to me." Yeah he scored points. But what we realized is that we loved each other as we were and we wanted to grow together. That doesn't mean we won't change. Change is inevitable but we want to change and grow together not change each other. 

25 Questions for a Military Spouse

I have seen this on a number of blogs this week but the most recent was The Misadventures of Mrs. Duh it was fun to read the answers so I thought why not?


1. How did you and your spouse meet?

We met online through Yahoo personals. I saw his picture one night in November and thought he was cute so I sent him a nudge. Well in December my membership was up so I decided not to renew it (or so I thought). I actually signed up for an in person dating service and went on a few dates through that with no success. So I was surprised when I got a response to my nudge the end of January. He and I started talking by IM. Then he asked me out on a date. So on February 9th I went out on date with a jerk of a guy because I had already had it set up by the dating service and couldn't cancel. Then I went on a date with J. Our date was at his house (I know not the best decision but I trusted my instinct). I knew I was in trouble from the moment I met him. I knew he was the one. The next day we spent the day together and we decided to be exclusive. The rest is history so to speak.

2. How old were you when you two met?

I was 30 he was 31.

3. How long have you been together?

4 years as of this February

4. Where are you and your spouse originally from?


He's a Detroit boy born and raised. I was born at the Air Force Academy in Colorado.

5. How did you feel about him joining the military?


He was already in when I met him. Fortunately he was on shore duty.



6. Where did your spouse go to basic training?


To be honest I don't know.


7. Has your spouse ever been deployed?



He deployed to Iraq for 6 months (I was not with him for the first deployment) and is currently in Japan.

8. Ever been to his promotion ceremony?


Nope but I still have my fingers crossed.

9. How long have you been a military wife?


2 years and 4 months



10. Did you marry him before or after he joined?


Well after he joined


11. How did your husband propose?


Kind of a funny story. When we first started dating I wanted the ring and the proposal. But the more I thought about it I decided that I didn't really want that because I'd had it with my first marriage and it didn't work out so well. He and I had had conversations about getting married so we both knew where the other stood.

We had started looking at his next duty assignment and one of his options was Japan as a geobachelor. So we knew we wanted to get married before he left. His family is mostly up north but my family (except my brother and his wife) and our friends are mostly down south. (Ironic for a Northern girl) So we were headed to his family reunion and we decided (per my Mom's suggestion) that we would get married at his reunion. So he talked to my Dad and got his permission and one night while we were in bed talking he looks at me and said "so do you want to marry me?" I smiled and said "of course."


12. Where did you get married?

Our first wedding was at his family reunion. We surprised his family with the news.when we got there after his Mom gave him the 3rd degree about when he was going to marry me. So I arranged for a minister to come to the camp ground and marry us. We also had him serve communion to everyone as part of the service. We got there early and went into town to get the license and talk to the minister. It was a beautiful day in a pavilion on a lake shore.

Our second wedding was back at our "home" church. It was a beautiful ceremony that meant a lot to us because every Sunday we sit in the same sanctuary we got married in. As a side note this can be a bad thing when he is deployed.

13. How old were you when you got married?


I was 31, he was 32


14. Did he wear his uniform on your wedding day?

I left that up to him and he decided to wear a tux. He looked amazing!!


15. Where are you and your spouse currently stationed?


He is stationed at Yokosuka Naval Base, Japan. I'm still near Little Creek Amphibious Base, Norfolk


16. Do you live on base?



No I live in our house and he lives in an apartment off base.

17. How long were you married when you had to go through your first separation?



We celebrated our first year in the beginning of September and he left the end of September of the same year.


18. What is your favorite base so far?


Since he and I have only been stationed at one base together. I'm going back to my days as an Air Force brat and saying Elemendorf Air Force Base. I loved Alaska!!

19. Do you think your spouse looks good in his uniform?

I joke with him that I only married him for the uniform. I'm kidding but he does look good in his uniforms. (the Navy has a lot of them)

20. Do you think military life is more advanced then civilian life?


No just different. We experience things that civilians don't and they often don't understand. J's family still doesn't fully grasp how it works to have him across the world.


21. Do you like the benefits you receive as a military spouse?


Heck yeah!! The health/dental insurance, the commisary, the exchange, and the connection with other spouses is great!


22. Do you have a lot of military wife friends?


I have a number of friends with spouses in other branches and some whose spouses have retired and I've connect with a number of them online. I think it helps a lot to have people who get it.


23. What is the hardest part of the military life?


The separation from your spouse. I knew I was signing up for this but it still has tough days.



24. Do you own military wife stuff?


I own one tank that says "sexually deprived for your freedom" it is well loved in this area. And I steal his stuff and wear it too.

25. Do you support your spouse as a member of the military?


100% I am so proud of what he does for me, our family, and our country. I wouldn't have married him if I didn't support him in what he does. I think it also helped that I was a military brat.

I've looked at love from both sides now...

I know I've talked about this before but it has come up in conversation again recently. J and I were talking about how neither of us fully understands what the other is going through during this deployment. And the truth is each side has its pluses and minuses. This is the list we came up with.

For the deployed person...
Pluses:

• They get to go someplace different that doesn't have 200+ memories of their loved ones
• They have a job to do that usually keeps them pretty busy
• They are surrounded by people in the same boat (sometimes literally) 
• They sometimes get to have really neat and fun experiences depending on their location
• They sometimes get to go to really cool places as part of their time away (being underway is particularly good for this)

Minuses:

• They are someplace separate from their loved ones
• They have a job to do that can be life threatening
• They are constantly surrounded by people
• They can't share what they are doing or where they are going with their loved ones
• They aren't home to share in all the experiences going on while they are gone

For the spouse at home...
Pluses:

• We are in a familiar environment with our home, our family, our pets, etc.
• We are now doing the job of two people so we keep pretty occupied
• We are in some cases surrounded by fellow military spouses who are going through the same thing or who have gone through the same thing so they ask how we're doing
• We all have a list of things that we get to do when they are gone but we can't do when they are home (watch chick flicks, watch our tv shows, eat cereal for dinner, etc)
• We aren't in harms way on a daily basis 

Minuses: 

• We are in a familiar environment that reminds us of them and the fact that they aren't there
• We are now doing the job of two people
• We also have people around us who have no idea what we are going through and make insensitive comments.
• We hold our breath when the phone rings, when there is a knock at the door, when a black car drives down the street slowly, etc.
• We go for periods where we don't hear from them and we don't know what's going on. Which means we can't answer our family and friends when they as how is he doing and where is he?

What are some pluses and minuses for you and your spouse?

Today is not one of those days...

I applaud the Navy (all military) wives that can talk about how awesome deployment is and how they love it and what a great thing it is for their relationship, etc. some days I can do that too. Today is not one of those days. As some of you know my husband is on Geo Bachelor assignment to Japan so ours is a bit different. He left in September of last year and came home in June for R&R. The next time it is likely he'll be home is next fall sometime. I'm ok with this I handle it ok most days.

Today is not one of those days. We've been able to talk to each other on the phone a lot lately but now due to some changes in duty he and I are back to talking by email randomly. Now I know email is better than nothing and that some people go much longer than that without talking to their spouses so I'm grateful about email but I'm having issues today with not getting to start my day hearing his voice. And to top it off I missed a call yesterday afternoon from him which would have been the last for a while.

I know this is temporary and I know that this is not a crisis but today is not a good day for me.

Thursday Top 10

Top 10 - Things That Make Me Think About My Husband and smile...

1. His clothes...I find random pieces every once in while like a sock or a t-shirt
2. His body wash...I leave the partially used bottle in the shower
3. The Garage...it's his space and it reminds me of him
4. His Jeep...it sits in the driveway waiting for him
5. Our Kitchen...before we met he renovated our kitchen and it is his pride and joy so every time I cook I think of him and smile
6. Our basement...when he was home on R&R he reorganized our basement which has made things much easier for me
7. His cologne...ok true confession...sometimes I spray a bit on my pillow case
8. Our house in general...it is the site of our first date...our first kiss...etc...and it has a lot of memories for me
9. My wedding ring...he's given it to me twice and I never take it off...every time I see it I smile
10. Our song...we danced to "Then" by Brad Paisley at our wedding and it fits us so much...I still remember the tear on his cheek as we danced (he would kill me for sharing that)

Happy Anniversary!!

We had some fun with the cake at this wedding.

Two years ago today in a picnic pavillion by a lake at a campground I married the most amazing man I know who is also my best friend!! I can't believe it's been two years. Happy Anniversary baby!!

Top 10 Positives of Deployment

All too often during deployments I think it is easy to focus on the negatives of deployment. I've decided to do a top 10 of the positives of deployment.

• Puppies - the dogs naturally gravitate toward J with their love and kisses. While he's gone I'm getting it. It is nice.
• TV - I get to watch what I want when I want and no running commentary on how "gay or dumb" a show is. I get to watch "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Dancing with the Stars" in peace. 
• Working on me - J has no problem with me doing stuff for myself but when he's home I love spending time with myself. This time alone is helping me focus on me and learn some balance.
• Having the bed alone - (well almost) I share it with two puppies but I get to spread out and sleep in the middle. 
• Eating what I want - sometimes I don't feel like cooking sometimes I like eating grilled cheese two nights in a row. And while he's gone it's easy. I eat what I want. And knowing when I come home everything I left in the fridge will still be there. lol
• Our Relationship - because we don't see each other everyday we have to find other ways to communicate. Thank God for technology! And so in some ways I think we are stronger in our relationship because of it.
• My friends - I have been surprised at some of the people I thought would check often and don't and some of the people I thought wouldn't care but do. It has been a learning experience.
• Work - Both J and I have observed that we are able to give work more during deployment because we aren't worried about going home to the other. 
• Hobbies - I'm getting back into some things I haven't done in a while.
• My Faith - I now have the mantra "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" I am convinced that without God I wouldn't survive this.

What are some of your favorite things from deployment?

Hi there! I'm back...

Howdy...Hello...Hi...Hola...Bon Jour...Aloha...

It's been a while since I've posted a real post. I miss it. I have been reading all my favorite blogs so I still feel connected but I miss the writing...I have excuses some good...some not...but all there.

1. Work has been insane...we are constantly busy and I'm tied to my desk which makes me feel less encouraged to be on a computer when I get home.
2. I came down with a nasty flu bug.
3. I had to get my house ready to welcome home my husband.
4. Oh yeah and that...I welcomed home my husband. {big grins}He's all mine...although I do have to give him back to the Navy before too long.
5. Our hot water heater died. And we were dealing with that.

Some observations....

It amazed me how much time and energy it took to get the house picked-up. It is just me but it gets cluttered quick. Mainly because I walk in...drop my stuff...take care of puppies...fix dinner...relax for the evening. So it gets cluttered and then it takes time to get it uncluttered. Much like weightloss.

Speaking of...the week before he got home my eating was nuts...sometimes I ate...sometimes I didn't...sometimes I ate junk...sometimes I ate healthy. Now that he's home...I have better eating habits. I've lost 2 1/2 pounds since last Thursday.

It is amazing to me how quickly we hit our groove again. It's like he never left. I know we're in a honeymoon period but I"m good with that.

He is the dogs favorite...they miss him when he's gone. They are happy to be home.

It is hard to go to work when you're husband and dogs are relaxing at home.

Life is good.

Welcome Home

No I'm not talking about the new show on Lifetime. Although it does have some good storylines.

I'm talking about my own homecoming. I'm going to need a welcome home outfit...my sailor is coming home for a visit. I'm so excited!! I have some fun filled things planned...

• of course a fun filled welcome home at the airport...and at home
• I'm having boudoir pictures taken this month with Christina Rush Photography
• I have a special night out planned
• I have a day at the beach planned
• I have days with nothing planned
• He has made himself a honey do list (yes he has made jokes about me being on that list)

Love and Tattoos

When my husband and I first started dating I gave him a key chain that had a compass rose on it and it said...wherever you go you are my true north. He loved it because he's a navigator in the Navy and the compass rose is a classic symbol of the Navy. So I joked at one point about getting a tattoo of a compass rose with his initials at the top. He loved the idea and honestly I wasn't really joking. So Friday night I went and got the tattoo done. His initials are at the top and the color green reminds me of him and the color red reminds him of me. (The orange around the outside is actually yellowish it is just irritated at the moment) It is a very personal tattoo for us. He loved it!! He's excited that it will be all healed when he gets home.

I Will Thrive - Deployment Observations from both sides

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. ~ Roger de Rabutin
Absence makes the heart grow fonder but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.~ Charlie Brown

Wife on a Roller Coaster wrote a great article about deployments and how sometimes you have to let your heart grow a little fungus to survive it. You can read the article here.

And her article got me thinking about how the military person and the spouse have two different roles in deployment. So I talked to J about it. He agreed. Here are some of the conclusions we've come too.

• Although it is difficult for both sides they each have their coping methods and their own set of hardships that the other may never understand. 
• My husband determined in some ways it is easier for the person being deployed because they are on a ship or in a desert with people going through the same thing. And they have many tasks and new things to keep them busy where the spouse is going through the same routine every day (so to speak) just without their spouse.
• Communication in whatever form you can get it helps so much and we are blessed to live in a technology world.
• If something is going to go wrong with the house, the car, or the pets, etc it will happen right after they deploy.
• Finances become fun when you are both pulling from the same account and you are 12 hours different time wise.
• Pictures help a lot.
• You will both worry about the other but for different reasons. 
• Neither one of you can solve the other's problems. Especially from 9000 miles away even though you would desperately love to do so. So just let them vent.
• As the spouse you don't need to tell them every detail of a situation especially since they can't help you from across the world. Filtering is good. It breaks their heart that they can't fix it.
• As the spouse there are somethings you cannot know about what the military person or their ship (or unit) may be doing. Accept this and your life will be easier. On that same vein...you may not hear from them for a day or two do not assume the worst. 
• If your military person is on a ship get in contact with the Umbudsman. She/He can and should be a great resource for you.
• Have faith in God and your relationship! That is the best thing you can do for yourselves. Pray often!!

A Look Back to 2010

So 2010 started on a very high note for us. We got married again but this time both our families were there and we were in our church. It was a day I'll never forget. We celebrated 2 years of being together and 1 year of being married in 2010. For us personally 2010 was a great year right until the point I put him on a plan to Japan. And for our families we had some pretty good moments too...my brother got married to an absolutely wonderful woman. We welcomed two new grand nephews to J's family. His sister M got married. Another one of his sisters celebrated 10 years of marriage.

Now this is not to say there weren't some dark clouds along the way with my parents and an incident with his niece. But over all 2010 was a good year for us. So here's to next year! Cheers!

Holidays Recap

Ok so I'm a tad behind on this but you'll see why...

•  Christmas Eve - I work in a church so I've often had to work on Christmas Eve but over the past few years my boss has generously given us Christmas Eve off. So I spent most of my day finishing a purse for my mom for Christmas. I finished wrapping gifts. Then I went to pick her up and we went to dinner with my friend S. Then the three of us went to church. Following the service S went home, I dropped off Mom, and I went to my friends annual Christmas Eve party which is always a blast. 
• Christmas Day - I got up and puttered around the house. Then I got ready and went over to Mom's to exchange gifts. We exchanged gifts. Then we watched Charlie Brown's Christmas. Then we headed to Williamsburg for our Christmas Dinner in the tavern. If you have never done this I recommend it. The food was amazing and the service was even better. After dinner we were going to go see Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader but it started to snow and Mom was tired. So I took her home for a nap. And then came back to her place to watch The Chipmonk's Christmas. Then I went to my friend's house to drop off Christmas presents. I headed home early because it was snowing pretty heavily. 
• The Day after Christmas - lower VA got snowed in. We got 12 inches of snow. It was pretty but clearing it and dealing with it...not so pretty. 
• The Days between Christmas and New Year's - I had Monday off...then back to work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. We got off work at 3:00 PM on Thursday so I decided to extend the olive branch to my father and go bowling with him. It was pleasant. A tad awkward. Ares had shredded a suede handbag or so I thought...turns out he ate pieces. He threw up on Monday and then again on Thursday morning. I called the vet they said to keep an eye on him and if he threw up again bring him in. He did fine all day Thursday and Friday so no vet trip. 
• New Year's Eve - I spent most of the day home with the dogs sleeping on the couch. Then went to meet Mom for dinner. Then home to check on the puppies. Then off to my friends New Year's Eve party. The party was laid back and fun. We played Win, Lose, or Draw. And I headed home around 3:00 AM. All was good until I was awakened by Ares throwing up at 4:00 AM. So we got up and I tried giving him some food. He got sick again.  
• New Year's Day So I called one emergency vet...they said not to feed him until dinner time and to keep an eye on him. He kept whimpering and hiding in his crate. This is not my dog he is so social it is scary. I decided to take him in. I called my vet and they sent me to a different emergency vet. Ares had a blockage in his stomach and intestine and ended up having surgery. In an effort to keep myself occupied Mom and I went to the outlets to do some returns and some shopping. I got the call around dinner time that he was doing well and in recovery.
• Day after New Year's - I called the vet in the morning to check on him. He was doing well so they said I could bring him home later that day. I called Mom and we went to see Chronicles of Narnia's Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Great movie!! Then we went to Barnes and Noble. Then I went to get my baby!! I had the uphill battle of keeping him calm and settled down. He is on a restrictive diet and activity schedule but he is on the mend and doing well. I'm so glad!!