Remember to Put Your Oxygen Mask on First

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If you've ever traveled on an airplane you've received the speech about safety in the event of an emergency. If you haven't here's the Cliffnote version...in the event that the cabin's air supply should become compromised oxygen masks will drop from above over your seat. You need to give it a firm tug and place the elastic around your head and the mask securely over your nose and mouth. Proceed to breath normally. (umm sure that will happen) They also emphasize that if you are traveling with a small child or someone who would need assistance to make sure you put your mask on first and then help them. The first time I heard this speech I thought well that seems a bit selfish...then I realized...if you can't breath and pass out you can't help others. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

SMACK RIGHT IN THE FACE...

Umm so here's where the true confessions come in...I am HORRIBLE at self care. I don't just mean kinda sorta bad but horrible. I can take care of everyone else. I am the eternal cheerleader and cheer-upper to others but not to myself. I really realized this in 2012 when J was gone to Japan, two dear friends died two months apart, and my dear co-worker who I share office coverage with was out on and off for the better part of 6 months due to illness, her husband dying, injury, and oh yeah illness again. The poor woman couldn't catch a break. So I was covering everything at home, taking on lots of extra work at work, helping a dear friend go through a horrible break-up from a complete and total jerk the love of her life for the third time, and really ignoring myself. 

I'm not complaining. I made my choices and I lived with them. I enjoy helping others, I enjoy taking care of others, I enjoy filling in as needed, I really do so for me it wasn't like I was miserable. Or so I thought...here's where the rubber hits the road for me...in hindsight I realized I was so busy helping others that my life, my health, and my sanity were spiraling downward. My house was a disaster and I mean a disaster as in it is amazing that I didn't end up hurt or something from my house, I gained weight, at night after work I'd stop by a fast food restaurant and get dinner, then go home and sit in front of the TV with the dogs, go up to bed, and start the cycle over. 

Since January of this year I have been working very hard at taking better care of myself. I joined a gym, I started meal planning, I got back to beading and sewing, and I've been trying to take time away from work for myself. Wow even as I type that I laugh because with the grand opening of our new addition I've been working more and not doing a great job of taking time off. But I will say this...my house is mostly clean, I've been trying to stay on track with meal planning, and I've been trying to get to the gym. But I think my most important thing for 2013 has been that I'm aware of my needs and taking care of myself in the midst of the chaos. I take time to get my hair done, get a manicure, soak in the hot tub, etc to relax and refresh. It makes my day/week better when I do.

So take time to take care of you before you take care of others. Because if you are worn out and tired it is hard to take care of others. Especially as we enter the hectic holiday season it is important to focus on yourself some too. 

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...

So let me explain what's happened since we've talked last...actually that would take too long so let me sum up...

• My long lost sailor came home for good from Japan in May! It has been wonderful to have him home but it has also been an adjustment for both of us. Two geographically single people combining to be a couple again has been fun, interesting, and different.
• Our dog Eva had to have knee surgery in May and we had a long rough go keeping her calm and confined. She has since recovered after physical therapy. She seems to be doing good.
• My husband retired the end of September after 20 years in the Navy and we are transitioning to civilian life. It is a bigger adjustment for him but it is going well. He is in the job hunt right now and he looks forward to his next career.
• After losing three of our beloved kitties between December of last year and January of this year...we weren't sure we wanted to get another one. But we determined that our Otis kitty was lonely so we adopted a new kitten Bianca. She's crazy and sweet and we love her.
• After 5 years of it sitting not being used we have finally gotten our hot tub set up and running. It has been used twice by my hubby and once by myself. It is wonderful on a cool evening. I love it!
• Work has been insane...we have built a new addition on to the building that includes a new multipurpose room that will be used for worship services in the future. This weekend is our Grand Opening! It is exciting and stressful all in one. 
• Finally after three years of talking, planning, redesigning, renaming, and replanning I've opened my business...I'll be selling jewelry, purses, and children's items online through Etsy. My website is live but my Etsy site is not yet. Coming soon!! 

A few tv show observations...

• My husband got me addicted to Boardwalk Empire and I love it!! So far I'm not sure I like some of the story lines this season but we'll see where it goes. 
• Grey's Anatomy is reaching an end in my opinion...I love that show but I think it needs to go out in style in the next couple of seasons rather than replacing everyone like E.R. did. 
• I think Big Bang Theory is a great show and I love the humor on it.
• We are loving the new show Sleepy Hollow. I love the ties to Christianity and the Bible. I think it has great potential. And they've made Ichabod Crane kinda cute!
• I love the show Blue Bloods...it has Donnie Wahlburg, Tom Selleck, and Will Estes as the main male leads and they do a great job acting as a family. I think this one will be around for a while.

Ok so I'll be posting more soon!! And I've been hoping around to the blogs I read so I can catch up on all of you too. 

I'm Back...and Coming Soon!!

Well hello there...

I didn't realize how long I had disappeared. I confess I've missed it. I've missed you guys. And I hope to become more regular about posting again. So I thought I'd give you a heads' up on what will be coming soon.

• The story of my husband's final R& R! (yes the next time he's home he's home for good)
• I Will Thrive: Surviving Deployment
• When Your "Deployment Spouse" gets a better offer
• Understanding a calling
• When God speaks to you...and you don't listen
• Yummy recipes
• My status on the Couch to 5K program
• My "race" schedule
• Furbabies
• The reality of not dealing with it
• The beauty of technology
• The beauty of a cleanish house
• and more...

Feeling an Itch

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So I'm not sure what it is about February/March in my life but I tend to feel an itch to do something. In past years this has been a tattoo. I got my first tattoo February 28th, 2007 and I got my most recent one on March 25th, 2011. Most of the times I've cut my long hair super short have been in February/March. Now October of 2008 I flipped from my spring craziness to fall and dyed my hair black and pierced my nose.

I'm feeling an itch to do something again it is that time of year for me after all. I thought about another tattoo but I don't have anything in mind and since it is permanent I don't want to pick some random thing. I thought about cutting my hair but every time I do that I regret it a week later and then have to go through the annoying grow out process. I thought about coloring my hair a radical color but frankly I like the dark auburn I dye it now. So now I'm leaning toward a Monroe piercing like the one below. I haven't decided for sure so we'll see. I'm going to think it over for a few days to see if it is just a thing or if I really want it. (that's what I do) The thing I like about piercings is you can always take them out.

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Be True to Yourself

I watched the movie "What's Your Number?" last night and it is a funny and sweet movie that I recommend. It was definitely worth the watch. Without giving away the story too much the main character was trying to find Mr. Right by going back through her exes. And she was also trying to find herself and her future.

Part of the story line was how she changed herself to fit each guy. And I got to thinking about how many of us have done or do that in our romantic lives. I started looking back at my exes and my relationship with them. The main one was my ex-husband he wanted a quiet, demure, Mrs. Beaver type housewife, who had the house spotless and dinner on the table all while wearing pearls. He wanted a very conservative wife both in personality and dress. I tried desperately for 7 years to be that person until I woke up and realized that was not who I was, who I wanted to be, or who I should be.

After our divorce I dated another ex (seemed like a good idea at the time) which ended up in me trying to conform once again to his needs. When that relationship ended. I spent some much needed time single. During this time I looked deep into myself to determine who I was, what made me happy, what ticked me off, and what I couldn't care less about. I realized where I stood politically, where I stood on major issues, and where I stood on silly stuff. I realized a lot about myself in the two years I took off from dating. Then after much thought and work on myself I jumped back into the dating pool. I thought I had it all under control.

But I realized I was slipping into my old habits with a guy I was interested in. I was getting into things he was interested in to impress him. Old Megan was coming back. So I stepped away again while I got my head right. Then I took a leap and went back into the online dating world again. I put my faith in God and my gut. If I listened to both I knew I would find the right guy for me who loved me for me.

I did. I found my husband. He loves me for who I am, where I am. He isn't trying to find 100 ways to change me. In our per-marital counseling when asked what we would change about each other. He said "absolutely nothing she's perfect to me." Yeah he scored points. But what we realized is that we loved each other as we were and we wanted to grow together. That doesn't mean we won't change. Change is inevitable but we want to change and grow together not change each other. 

Approaching 35

So on Friday I turn 35. But I'm not really too concerned about it. I'm good with it.

And although at times a December birthday can kind of stink I've had very good Birthday celebration luck. I received a coupon from Red Robin for a free hamburger, a coupon from BD's Mongolian BBQ for a free dinner, a coupon from Victoria's Secret for $10 off, and a coupon for a free movie at CineBistro.

This Friday I'm taking a dance class to learn a routine to Santa Baby. Saturday some friends are taking me to lunch and Mom is taking me to dinner. The only thing that could make it more perfect would be my husband being here but at least I should get to talk to him on my birthday.

In my family birthdays were celebrated at a moderate level nothing crazy but not too toned down either. Mom always made the cake of our choice which for years was what we called Waldorf Red Cake (in the south it is called Red Velvet Cake) and we got to pick our favorite dinner too. For years that was Sukiyaki our version of the Japanese dish basically it is a variation of stir-fry. And of course presents (in an effort to make sure we don't feel cheated by our December birthdays Mom and Dad would often give a number of gifts). 

In honor of my 35th Birthday I've decided to do a list of 35 things I've learned over the years...

1. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. ~ Phil 4:13
2. Don't judge others you don't know the whole story.
3. Pets are children too.
4. True friends are there no matter what the circumstances and love you anyway.
5. There are people you thought would be with you all your life and they have left...that is ok.
6. Sometimes a pedicure and a manicure can make the world feel right.
7. Usually if you are nice to people they will be nice to you. (there are exceptions)
8. Good things do come to those who wait (but not necessarily on your schedule).
9. True love is worth waiting for.
10. The military is a wonderful institution who works on their own schedule (and they will not consult you).
11. Your parents can disappoint you in ways you could never imagine.
12. Your siblings really are an important part of who you are.
13. You are responsible for you and you alone. Do not try to be responsible for others. And you need to take responsibility for your actions.
14. Every decision has a consequence some are favorable, some are not.
15. There will always be more beautiful people, people with more money, and people who seem happier than you but you are a beautiful person and you can be happy. (the money you have to work for or have wealthy relatives)
16. People (especially husbands) cannot read your mind. If you want something tell them what you want, do not hint, suggest, or otherwise assume. 
17. Everyone has and is entitled to an opinion but it is ok to disagree with them.
18. The right man will love you more than you can imagine.
19. Anything that can break in your home will break the moment your husband leaves for 6 months (8 months, a year, etc).
20. The song (poem) was right wear sunscreen and take care of your knees.
21. Any project in your home will always take longer than you think that it should (and will often be more expensive).
22. Be careful when setting your expectations...aim too low and you'll be disappointed...same thing if you set unrealistically high ones.
23. Laughter really does work like sit-ups so laugh often.
24. You should love your job but don't let it take away from your home life.
25. It is ok to say no.
26. You can't please everyone.
27. Chicken on the kitchen counter is just too big a temptation for the dog (or cat).
28. If you find a man who can heat up the kitchen and the bedroom keep him.
29. There is always someone who has it worse than you.
30. Don't tick off the trashman, the person who packs your parachute, or your cat there will be consequences that you don't like.
31. Enjoy life...no one on their death bed says I wish I dusted more.
32. You need to get out of your box at least once it will help you grow.
33. You do not have to put up with abuse (emotional, verbal, physical, etc) of any kind in a relationship regardless of the type of relationship or who it is with. 
34. Above all love.
35. Sometimes you have to jump and build your wings on the way down. ~ Unknown

Yoga Update

Hot Yoga is not for me but I love yoga. Hot Yoga is specifically Bikram Yoga which is a version of yoga that has been synthesized from  Hatha yoga by Bikram Choudhury. It is traditionally done in a room that is 105 degrees with 40% humidity. I tried it three times and I determined the following...(for myself only some people may take to it quickly)

• The poses are very advanced for a beginner.
• The poses are done at a very high transition rate that does not lend itself well to beginners.
• The temperature of the room does help you get more flexible but it can also aggravate other health issues. So you have to be careful and very in tune with your body.
• The way it was taught the instructor did not interact too much with the students so at times I felt like I was unsure of what I was doing without any guidance to fix it. And that I was in danger of getting into poses incorrectly and possibly injuring myself.

 I need a slower, cooler, more hands on instruction to start out. I signed up at another yoga studio for a Yoga 101 class that is a very slow, hands-on class led by a delightful instructor who encourages contemplative movement and intentional flow. I LOVE it!! It is a 6-week series so I'm enjoying the gradual increase. It is much more relaxing for me.

I've looked at love from both sides now...

I know I've talked about this before but it has come up in conversation again recently. J and I were talking about how neither of us fully understands what the other is going through during this deployment. And the truth is each side has its pluses and minuses. This is the list we came up with.

For the deployed person...
Pluses:

• They get to go someplace different that doesn't have 200+ memories of their loved ones
• They have a job to do that usually keeps them pretty busy
• They are surrounded by people in the same boat (sometimes literally) 
• They sometimes get to have really neat and fun experiences depending on their location
• They sometimes get to go to really cool places as part of their time away (being underway is particularly good for this)

Minuses:

• They are someplace separate from their loved ones
• They have a job to do that can be life threatening
• They are constantly surrounded by people
• They can't share what they are doing or where they are going with their loved ones
• They aren't home to share in all the experiences going on while they are gone

For the spouse at home...
Pluses:

• We are in a familiar environment with our home, our family, our pets, etc.
• We are now doing the job of two people so we keep pretty occupied
• We are in some cases surrounded by fellow military spouses who are going through the same thing or who have gone through the same thing so they ask how we're doing
• We all have a list of things that we get to do when they are gone but we can't do when they are home (watch chick flicks, watch our tv shows, eat cereal for dinner, etc)
• We aren't in harms way on a daily basis 

Minuses: 

• We are in a familiar environment that reminds us of them and the fact that they aren't there
• We are now doing the job of two people
• We also have people around us who have no idea what we are going through and make insensitive comments.
• We hold our breath when the phone rings, when there is a knock at the door, when a black car drives down the street slowly, etc.
• We go for periods where we don't hear from them and we don't know what's going on. Which means we can't answer our family and friends when they as how is he doing and where is he?

What are some pluses and minuses for you and your spouse?

Deployment "Bucket List"

I've decided to create a Deployment "Bucket List." Jason is gone for three years total but we're down to two years left. I figure I can either survive through deployment or thrive through deployment. So let's thrive!!

There will be 36 items one for each month he's gone. 

1. Go to church regularly 
2. Lead a Bible Study
3. Sing karaoke 
4. Walk 2-3 5Ks a year
5. Eat healthier 
6. Cook more
7. Take the motorcycle riding class
8. Take classes at Studio Rio 
9. Go to Mountain Lake (Dirty Dancing was filmed there)
10. Get both of our dogs through training 
11. Get into an exercise routine 
12. Figure out self-care
13. Take classes in Adobe InDesign, Photoshop, and Illustrator 
14. Clean out my basement/attic
15. Have a yard sale after above
16. Go outside my comfort zone in mission work
17. Fix one thing in our house on my own
18. Give God a year
19. Get our yard straight so J comes home to clean flower beds and grass on the front lawn
20. Get our debts paid
21. Sand and Paint our front porch
22. Clean out our garage
23. Take Ares and Eva to Nags Head 
24. Get my office organized
25. Paint my bedroom
26. Paint my dining room
27. Take beading classes
28. Have a pin up photo shoot
29. Go to see J's family by myself 
30. Take hot yoga classes
31. Recover our couch myself (ourselves) - in process
32. Make a duvet cover for our bed and curtains for our bedroom
33. Do daily Bible study and prayer
34. Send birthday/anniversary cards to our family members 
35. Write Jason a handwritten letter every week he's gone and send regular care packages
36. Have fun and grow!!

The Evolution of Your Fears

Sunday night I watched Army wives. As a regular person it would have been touching and possibly make you teary. As a military wife it was a tear jerker, honestly I think anyone who has someone affiliated with the military would have found it to be a tear jerker. It was well written, well acted, and well done over all. Although I cried through a lot of it I really enjoyed the show. It showed the sacrifices that the military make in a very real way.

It got me to thinking about my fears and how they have truly evolved over the years. As a child I feared the usual things the dark, monsters under my bed, etc. As I got a little older I feared having my head covered with blankets, etc (this is still true today...it isn't a fear but I don't like it).

When I was in upper elementary we were in Alaska and the Cold War was raging and my fears went to what happened if Russia attacked us. My father was in the Air Force and worked on the radars in Alaska and on more than one occasion got called in to deal with "visitors" who were in our air space. My mother helped calm this fear by explaining to me that people like my Dad from both the U.S. and Russia worked to keep the peace. This helped a lot.

When my Dad was in Saudi Arabia my fear was something would happen to him. Thanks to my brother being in NY City, London, and a few other places during or right before an explosion (not 9-11) I worried about him a lot.

When I was married the first time I worried that I would never be good enough physically, mentally, or emotionally. My ex was a tad verbally abusive. When I got divorced I worried I would be alone for the rest of my life. But after some deep internal thought I determined that being alone for all the right reasons beat being married for all the wrong ones...hands down.

Now my biggest fear is the black car pulling up in front of my house and the two men getting out to inform me that the Navy regrets to inform me....it isn't something I dwell on every day but it is something that is in the back of my mind. J once said to me that I had lived without him so if something happened I would survive without him. He is right but it doesn't mean I want to know how.

I want to thank all the military families who have lost a loved one in the call of duty. Today's military men and women are willingly in the military and they know the risks involved. They are willing to die for their country, for you, and for me. Their families are proud of their service to the country but the loss is felt deeply none the less. So to those who have a loved one who has died or been injured serving our country THANK YOU!!!

Girl Power and Why We Need to Claim It

Studio Rio, Virginia Beach, VA

As I mentioned earlier I've been taking the Beginner Series Class at Studio Rio for the past few weeks on Monday nights. Next week is our last class. (Frowning Face) Ultimately we will have a seductive dance routine to perform for our loved ones. I will tell you I have never done dance classes ever in my life. I've worked out and done some aerobic classes but nothing like this. It works parts of your body you didn't know you had (or at least I didn't). Last week's class left my legs and core sore to the point that getting up and down from a chair was an experience that required not only psyching myself up but also a few expletives. This week we worked with poles and I loved it!! I want to do more. I feel awkward but it is invigorating and freeing. And such a good workout. But I have a tighter core, better posture and I've lost a few inches in the course of this class. I'm also feeling more coordinated. As I told J when I talked to him this morning it is a great experience for me that he will benefit from as well.

But the biggest thing for me is the confidence that I'm feeling. I have had a number of confidence destroying experiences in my life. Some of them I have worked to overcome and some of them are always deeply buried in there for me. In this class there are women of all shapes and sizes and all ages. We come from all walks of life with all different experiences. I admit I figured when I saw these size 6 girls that they would nail it but they are as unsure as the rest of us. It has been fun and an awesome experience. We are in a sisterhood. We support each other. We laugh. We huff and puff. And it is great!

Last night we got to talking about our lives and the experiences after class. In particular about men. Rio the owner talked about her first marriage and divorce. She talked about how much power she gave her first husband to control who she was and how she felt about herself. As I listened to her I got to thinking that as women we often give other people a lot of power over us. We often let their opinions determine how we feel about ourselves. We are often our own worst enemy. And we need to claim our girl power back. We are amazing women who have many great characteristics, great skills, great beauty inside and out (no matter what our size), great compassion, and great love. We just need to apply that great love to ourselves. I know that is often easier said than done for myself but I'm working on it and this class is helping. It is helping me channel my inner hot girl, my inner bad ass, and my inner confidence. J has always loved me just as I am, where I am...now I'm just trying to get where he is too.

I'm not saying everyone needs to go take seductive dance classes but everyone needs to do something for themselves. It does need to be all about you one occasion. Girl Power rocks!!

So what do you do for yourself? Or what are you going to do for yourself?

Wisdom Teeth

 

So I have put it off and put it off but I can't put it off any longer. I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled today at 10:30 AM. Whoo hoo. Good news is I only have three and only one of those is on the bottom. Everyone tells me it will go fine but I'm still nervous. So say a prayer for me. And I'll see you next week...puffiness and all.

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

This weekend was busy busy busy but so much fun.

Friday brought our annual Christmas Party at the pastors' home. They prepare the main dish and we bring sides. Then we do a Dirty Santa Christmas exchange. (Let me explain...everyone brings a gift. We all draw numbers. You can either open a gift or take someone else's gift. Every year the alcohol is the biggest hit. Yes I work in a church.) This year the Pastors decided to do a pig pickin' and roast a whole pig. I had the job of finding the pig. Interesting process I tell you. We had a great time and it was very laid back which was nice.

Saturday my friends S and T and I went to see Love and Other Drugs. It was a good movie and the storyline was great but there was lots of sex and nudity. Much more than we were expecting. It has a very sweet ending. I would recommend it just be prepared. Then my day of early birthday surprises began...first T and S paid for my movie and my snacks. Then we went to lunch at Plaza Azteca where I was surprised by my friend A and her daughter A with balloons. They "accidently" mentioned that it was my birthday so the servers sang happy birthday and gave me birthday Flan. It was too sweet and I was full so I didn't eat much but it was the thought that counts. Then we went to do some shopping and get Starbucks. Then they surprised me later with dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings where our friend D and his kids K and K were. Then there was very delish Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cake. D said he wanted to pay for my dinner because he wanted to say thank you to J and I for the sacrifices we make for our country. And he wanted J to know that people were supportive of me back here with him over there. It was very sweet. T, S, and I finished the night at The Pub. We had a great time with way too much food. But I couldn't ask for better friends. I am truly blessed.

Sunday brought an attempt to go to church that was foiled by a bridge opening. So we went to lunch and did some shopping. Then we went to my work for the First Place 4 Health class intro and I set up for our Blue Christmas service. Then home. It was a long day too. But lots of fun!

Writer's Block

I've been suffering from writer's block a bit lately. I'm not sure why...I have some guesses but I'm not positive. So I've decided to conscientiously take a break from blogging this week. I promise I'll be back and I promise I have some fun stuff coming.

Take care and I'll see you on the flip side.

Personal vs. Public

I enjoy writing my blog. I enjoy sharing my life with those who read it. I've had a rather personal thing hit my life this month and I've been trying to digest it enough to put it in words. It will come. And when it does I will share. In the meantime this is why I've been sort of quiet but I plan on breaking that this week. Then yesterday I woke up with a migraine. But thanks to better living through chemistry...I'm doing better today. So I promise to be more present this week. Here are a few highlights I may cover...

• My trip to the Intergalactic Bead Show
• My upcoming trip to a motorcycle Drive-in movie
• The purses I'm sewing
• The baby quilt I'm finishing
• A give-a-way
• My bead swap

Update

A few updates....

Health...
We've rejoined Weight Watchers...we both did well on it in the past and so we figured it was worth trying it again. And we're still members at the YMCA so we're going to make an effort to get back there on a regular basis.

Craftiness...
I'm signed up for a couple sewing classes over the next couple weeks...I think they'll be fun and enjoyable. And a nice break from work.

Work...
Work has calmed down a bit following Easter. This is nice. Although tonight I will be at work until 9:00 PM which makes for a long day...12 hours...

Home...
Saturday I went to a bridal shower for J's sister M. It was a very nice afternoon. I'm glad it went so well for her. We are having M and her fiance J over for dinner this weekend...I'm trying a new recipe again. I love doing that. In May I think J and I are going to head north for some family time before he departs. Should be a nice time to visit Michigan and Indiana.

We are also working on some house things...J has worked really hard on the yard the past couple weekends. It is looking good...if the grass would just keep up. Now we have a few indoor projects to work on...all in due time.

I AM...

I've seen similar posts and enjoyed reading them so here's mine...

 I AM...

• a Christian
• a wife
• a daughter
• a sister
• a daughter-in-law
• a sister-in-law
• a baker
• a cook
• a comedian
• a skeptic
• a trusting soul
• a lover
• a fighter
• a sewer
• a beader
• a reader
• a writer
• a courteous person
• an oblivious person
• a student
• a teacher
• a follower
• a leader
• a watcher
• a doer
• a bit fiesty
• a dog person
• a cat person
• a traveler
• a homebody
• a lover of technology
• a lover of simplicity
• a clutter creator
• an ENFP
• a speeder
• a friend
• a person who holds doors for strangers
• a slightly impatient driver
• a hands off cell phone user while driving
• a military wife/brat
• a chocolate lover
• a connoisseur of good wine
• a hostess
• a guest
• a recycler
• a shopper
• an employee
• a stressed person
• a laugher
• a cryer
• a foodie
• a blogger

What are you?

My loves and other things that make me happy...

Since I did a list of my pet peeves I thought I should do a positive list of thing I love...so here are some things I enjoy and or love...

1. My husband...he is an amazing man and I am a lucky woman. I love knowing that at the end of a day no matter how crappy it will be better because he will be there at home. (He's military and I'm spoiled at the moment because in the near future this won't be the case.)
2. My pets...I have two dogs and four cats...I love them because they have cute personalities and quirks. Cuddling with them makes things better.
3. My family...I am blessed with loving parents and a wonderful brother...he was the "Man of Honor" at my wedding and it was perfect. And I'm blessed with amazing in-laws, his parents are wonderful and so are my 6 sisters-in-law and my 1 brother-in-law.
4. People who do something nice for a stranger on a random day just because they can not because they have to.
5. The smell of bread baking...it reminds me of home growing up as a child.
6. The taste of ice cream...especially chocolate...it makes my day better...
7. Babies...I don't want children of my own but a baby melts my heart every time. And my husband holding one...gooeyness. 
8. A crisp fall day with the crunch of leaves under my feet...this is when I miss New England.
9. Snow falling...I love watching snow fall and cover everything with a white blanket.
10. A nice hot beverage (coffee, hot cocoa, hot cider) on a cool evening cuddled up on my couch.
11. Knowing I have friends I can call at the drop of a hat if I need them...

Longing to Belong...

aka...the need for family

I have been reading a lot of Cesar Millan's books in an effort to better understand my dogs and possibly get them to behave a bit better. (the reality is it is me who needs to behave a bit better) And one of the things that keeps striking me is the fact that dog's are pack animals and need to be part of a pack. They don't like to be solo and in the wild they wouldn't be solo.

The reality is that as humans we really aren't so different. We want to belong to something. You see it all the time in teenagers they cling to different groups even if they aren't good because at least they are accepted. But you also see it in adults. Each of us has a family of origin...we were born or adopted into a family that raised us. Some families are good, some families are not so good, and some families are just bad but they all have one thing in common they are our families. We didn't choose them...they didn't necessarily choose us but we are what we have.

I am blessed I was born into a loving family with two mostly normal parents and an older brother. I love them and would not be the woman I am today without their love and support. Now don't get me wrong we have had our rough spots but ultimately I was lucky to have a wonderful and healthy family life growing up. But I know others were not.

J was blessed to have been adopted by a wonderful family who gave him a similar upbringing to mine. And he is also blessed to have a relationship with his two biological siblings as well. He floored me when he said he had 6 sisters and a brother. I have a brother. You could see the intimidation factor.

We recently had a second wedding for my family and our friends here. His parents were able to join us and it was wonderful. It made us very aware of the family connections that we have and hold dear.

But we have also realized that some people are not as fortunate as we are and their families are not as wonderful. Sometimes the best thing they can say about their childhood is that it over. And because of this they are looking for a place to belong. The beauty of connection is that our family of origin is not our only family.

J and I are a family as a couple with four-legged children. Our family has brought both of us a calm because it is ours and only ours. But we also belong to other families...our church family, our family of friends, our work families, the Harley family, the pitbull owner family, and many more. Sometimes the place you belong is the place you create with friends, co-workers, people of fellow interest, etc and not so much the family you grew up with. Over time you realize that you are who you are thanks to family, friends, enemies, and experiences. All of them important and all of them different.

Where do you find your belonging spot?

The Story of US...part 1

J and I are coming up on our two year anniversary of when we started dating in February and as we approach the holidays I thought I would tell you some of the story of how we met.

First some background...

Me: I started dating at age 16. Shortly after I broke up with my high school sweetheart I started dating my first husband. I got married at 21 to a man who was 9 years older. Not a wise plan...he wanted me to be where he was and I was trying to figure out who I was let alone who we were. Needless to say we both had different expectations of marriage and it didn't work out for us. We got divorced in 2004. I then dated an ex for a while...well the old addage is true...they are an ex for a reason. So in April 2005 I was single for the first time since I was 16. I decided I was not going to find the man of my dreams in a bar and where I work there isn't really a dating pool so I went online. I signed up for E-Harmony. (Another story for another day) Then I signed up with Match.com...better but still not working out. So when my friend recommended Yahoo I said "why not" and signed up.

Him: He had been single for years by choice and then thought he found the right woman and got married. Well needless to say it didn't work out. Her loss would be my gain.

In November of 2007 I sent a "wink" to J by December having not heard anything I decided cancel my membership and go another route. Well sometime in January I receive this message back from J explaining that his sister had killed his computer in November/December and he had just gotten it back up. We talk through IM every night learning all kinds of things about each other from family to favorite foods to work. He surprisingly was not thrown off by my working in a church. We decided to meet. From that night on it was set...we went to lunch the next day and talked about religion, exes, etc and determined that we were going to be exclusive with each other. And the rest is history...to follow at a later date.